Helping Our Teens Conquer Anxiety with Caris Snider
Welcome to the Love Where You Are podcast!
In today’s episode I am joined by Caris Snider.
Caris is a Christian Communicator who shares the hope of God through speaking, and leading worship. She is the recent author of Anxiety Elephants 31 Day Devotional. Her passion for the Lord comes through as she shares from her experiences of overcoming depression and anxiety. Her desire is to help women of all ages with their faith and mental health journey.
In this episode, Somer and Caris discuss anxiety and the toll it is taking on our kids. Children even in fifth grade are confessing to struggle with anxiety, and as parents we have to face it with them. Our children live in a world after a life-changing pandemic, being forced into isolation and fear of an invisisble virus, now growing fears of "World War III" with the Ukrainian war, and prevelant social media exposure. Not to mention the other life struggles teens may face like "Should I go to college?" "Can I afford college" and "What am I going to do with my life, what major or job should I get?" On top of it all, new life changes like dating, learning how to drive, the list goes on... our teens and tweens are dealing with plenty of stress and uncertain futures. How do we help them through it?
Caris walks us through Scripture, the practical advice God gives us in the Bible for dealing with anxiety, the scientific explanations for what anxiety is and what it does with our brain chemistry, and the best thing you can do as a parent to help prepare your child for this world.
Thank you for being here today. Now, let's dive into the conversation!
You can connect with Caris Snider through Instagram, and her webste.
You can also order her new book!
FAVORITE TAKE-AWAYS
Our tweens and teens are experiencing a lot of uncertainty in their lives, witnessing the pandemic, now the Ukrainian war, people talking about "World War III", inflation, election season, etc. On top of it all, they're experiencing interpersonal drama with friends, romantic interests, teachers, coaches, and having new learning experiences like driving and wondering about college. There is a lot of stress.
Symptoms of Anxiety to look out for in your child:
-Stomach aches
-Raised heart rate
-Heavy chest, chest aches
-Difficulty verbalizing
-Unregulated emotions, i.e. crying easily, anger
Things which can trigger anxiety:
-Lack of sleep
-Caffiene (energy drinks, coffee, etc)
-Upcoming tests
It is important to create safe spaces for our kids, places where they can talk about their struggles and not feel judged or condemned. Conversation is critical.
"Need to know basis" what a fourteen year old knows doesn't necessarily need to be what a ten year old child knows. Have appropriate conversations with age levels, but also not be afraid of going into tough topics, like body changes. We have to talk with our kids before the World does.
There is a difference between boys and girls, but boys still need our attention and conversations--maybe just in a different way.
REMEMBER
The Bible is full of coping mechanisms--God knows we deal with anxiety.
Scripture talks about breathing, a tool to calm our bodies. Scripture talks about grateful hearts, and science has shown gratitude repels anxiety. Scripture talks about a peace beyond understanding when we come to Jesus.
You're doing a better job than you think.
There is nothing wrong with seeking help: counseling and therapy for your child, and if necessary, medication--there is no shame in it. Taking medicine for a broken arm is no different than taking medicine to balance brain chemistry.
Have a support system, have people to lift you up and pray for you; and pray for your child.
SCRIPTURE
Psalms 94:19
Philipians 4:6-8
Galatians 6:9
Connect with Somer!
Stay connected to Somer and the Love Where You Are podcast through her Facebook & Instagram! Now, go love where you are and live on mission for Jesus today.
Finding Eternal Purpose in Your Daily Work with Jordan Raynor
Welcome to the Love Where You Are podcast!
In today’s episode, Somer is joined with Jordan Raynor.
Bestselling author Jordan Raynor helps Christians respond to the radical, biblical truth that their work matters for eternity. He does this through his books including the forthcoming The Word Before Work: A Monday-Through-Friday Devotional to Help You Find Eternal Purpose in Your Daily Work (WaterBrook; on sale 11/15/22), The Creator in You, and Redeeming Your Time), podcast (Mere Christians), and weekly devotional (“The Word Before Work”)—content that has served millions of Christ-followers in every country on earth. In addition to his writing, Jordan serves as the executive chairman of Threshold 360, a venture-backed tech startup which he previously ran as CEO following a string of successful ventures of his own. Jordan served in the White House under George W. Bush and has twice been selected as a Google Fellow.
Jordan and Somer talk about the connection between our work and ministry and how to balance our careers while loving God. Thank you for being here today. Now, let's dive into the conversation!
Connect with Jordan Raynor:
FAVORITE TAKE-AWAYS:
God Himself works as a Creator, gardener and builder before He showed up as a pastor.
God calls people into secular work as much as He calls them out of it.
Work was the very first gift God gave humankind.
God could have chosen to reveal any aspect of His character but the very first thing He reveals is that He is a God who creates.
The God of the Bible doesn’t define work as the thing one gets paid to do.
Some of the most mundane work in the Bible is some of the most celebrated.
Even when we work in obscurity, the God of the universe will not forget your work.
Work is a means to be a faithful servant of the King.
Your work is not the only work that is the work of the Lord.
An occupational hazard for anyone in ministry is that we have a tendency to be so preoccupied to do our work FOR God that we forget to do it WITH Him…we place God’s mission over God Himself.
When you look at the word ministry, it just means service.
We’re called to work hard, we’re called to hustle, but we’re also called to trust God that God alone is producing the results.
Lord, I know that I can’t produce an ounce of results without you. Everything I have is from you and through you and for you. Now in response to that, I’m gonna work hard as a means of making you famous throughout the earth.
Jesus is calling us to the pursuit of excellence but He never calls us to the attainment of excellence.
God is calling us to do our best with what He has called us to steward.
I encourage all Christian parents to speak truth into their kids at an early age that the God of the universe loves them equally on their most successful and least successful day.
SCRIPTURE REFERNCES:
1 Corinthians 15:58
Psalm 37:23
Connect with Somer!
Stay connected to Somer and the Love Where You Are podcast through her Facebook & Instagram! Now, go love where you are and live on mission for Jesus today.
What Teens Are Saying Behind Closed Doors with Dr. Jessica Peck
Welcome to the Love Where You Are podcast!
In today’s episode, Somer is joined with Dr. Jessica Peck, also known as Dr Nurse Momma.
Jessica has been a pediatric nurse practitioner for twenty years. A native Texan, she is a clinical professor at the Baylor University Louise Herrington School of Nursing as well as president of the National Association of Pediatric Nurse Practitioners. She especially loves encouraging parents in her clinical practice and equipping them to build healthy relationships with their children.
Jessica and I became fast friends as we sat down to discuss her new release, Behind Closed Doors: A Guide to Help Parents and Teens Navigate Through Life’s Toughest Issues which provides an eye opening perspective to what teens and their families are facing in today’s world.
Jessica shares the main struggles her patients experience, tackles common misconceptions about the teen years and share the secret sauce to getting your teen to communicate.
Thank you for being here today. Now, let's dive into the conversation!
Connect with Dr. Jessica Peck:
Buy her new book!
FAVORITE TAKE-AWAYS:
Stigma is a coping mechanism we have to separate ourselves from the unthinkable.
Biggest issues Dr. Jessica sees behind closed doors:
Vaping
Substance abuse
Gender identity
Self harm
Suicide
Sexting
Disordered eating
It’s a popular misconception that teens don’t want to talk to you - that’s not true!
You can’t parent based on instant gratification - you have to plant that seed that can be harvested in a future season.
When we react in fear we hinder connection with our teens.
When we react in fear, even when it is well meaning, our teens interpret our reaction as anger against them.
Train yourself to say, “You know I really don’t know what to say, but I want you to know I love you and we will get through this together."
We don’t always have to have the right answer but our teens need to know we are present.
More teenagers die from disordered eating than any other mental health disorder.
We are imperfect children with a perfect Father and we have imperfect children being raised by imperfect parents.
The first key to good conversation with your teen is to listen before you talk.
You have old school experience but they have fresh world perspective - see what they already know and then share your perspective.
Choose a battle, not every battle.
Release your teen from the pressure of having to give you an immediate response.
My job is to be my kid’s mom and not expect them to validate my role as their mom.
The secret sauce is motivational interviewing -
- Listen
- Offer open ended questions
- Validate their emotions
- Give them decision making autonomy
It is important that we become a safe space for our kids to come and be vulnerable.
We have to stand in our kids shoes and give them the tools they need to function in their world.
Having developmentally appropriate conversations upfront will prepare them.
Red flags to watch out for:
Distance
Isolation
Irritability
Emotional
It is never too late to try and build a healthy relationship with your teen.
- Pray and surrender control
- Serve your way back in without expecting validation
God is in the business of restoration.
These are the longest days and the shortest years of your life.
Embrace every stage of parenting.
Celebrate who they are and who they are going to become.
Younger children need a gatekeeper, teenagers need a coach.
Let your kids fail if it’s safe - your home is a practice environment for life.
Make sure your kids know their struggle does not define who they are.
Teens do not need your money, the latest gadgets, a dream vacation or for you to be the perfect mom - they need your time and your attention.
Teens care deeply about what you have to say about them.
If they won’t talk to you, talk to them and speak words of life.
Connect with Somer!
Stay connected to Somer and the Love Where You Are podcast through her Facebook & Instagram! Now, go love where you are and live on mission for Jesus today.
The Transformative Power of Community with Jo Swinney
Welcome to the Love Where You Are podcast!
In today’s episode, Somer is joined with Jo Swinney.
Jo Swinney is a prolific writer, speaker and editor. She’s written a few books and has contributed to LICC Connecting with Culture. She has also written for Stewardship, Bible Society, Scripture Union, and BRF. Jo was the Director of Church Communications at CPO, a charity existing to help churches and other charities with their communication. Currently, she is the Director of Communications for A Rocha International.
Jo has a recent book titled “A Place at the Table: Faith, Hope and Hospitality” which is about encouraging one another to foster communities and how universally human it is to share food and share life.
In this episode, Somer and Jo Swinney talk about the upcoming Holiday season--this is typically the time we gather together for dinner and hospitality. Jo reminds us that our lives, not just the holidays, should reflect Jesus' hospitality. It doesn't need to be big, extravagent dinners with immaculate houses. It should be doing life together, simple and practical.
Thank you for being here today. Now, let's dive into the conversation!
Connect with Jo Swinney:
Buy her new book!
And check out the book's website.
FAVORITE TAKE-AWAYS:
“Sharing food is at the heart of a shared life”
Community is reflective of God’s character.
You can build hospitality into your regular rhythms of life.
Hospitality doesn’t have to be as disruptive or complicated as we think.
People feel safer when you welcome them into your comfortable spaces.
Hospitality is bringing people into a family like situation.
It’s okay to create space for yourself and your family; healthy boundaries.
Hospitality has to be about the other person and not ourselves.
Questions are powerful - people love talking about themselves if you are willing to listen.
People around us are lonelier than they look.
We are walking past broken people every day.
The Christian life happens when we are not looking. The Holy Spirit is working in and through us as we are looking outward, serving other people and worshiping Him.
Connect with Somer!
Stay connected to Somer and the Love Where You Are podcast through her Facebook & Instagram! Now, go love where you are and live on mission for Jesus today.
The Power of Hope When Catastrophe Crashes In with Jeremy and Caleb Freeman
Welcome to the Love Where You Are podcast!
In today’s episode, Somer is joined with Jeremy Freeman and his son, Caleb.
Jeremy Freeman is lead pastor at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Oklahoma, and served as first vice president for the Oklahoma Baptist convention. Jeremy is a sought-after speaker for inspirational events hosted by churches, conventions, conferences, businesses, and schools.
I'm just going to go ahead and give you fair warning: this week's episode is going to change you.
It did me.
Pastor Jeremy Freeman and his family have endured seasons of tremendous loss and tragedy. After losing their son, Trey, to a rare illness they nearly lost their son Caleb to a traumatic brain injury after a serious car crash. The doctors gave Caleb 10% chance of living, and he was unlikely to talk or walk again. The Freemans navigated remaining in ministry while grieving and walking with God in dark places. They witnessed God's hand at work as Caleb not only survived but speaks alongside his father today to share hope in Christ even in the gravest of circumstances.
In this episode, Somer, Jeremy, and Caleb talk about their new book "#butGod," their ministry, and how those simple words "but God" transformed the way they look at life altering circumstances.
Thank you for being here today. Now, let's dive into the conversation!
Connect with the Freemans:
Buy their book "#butGod" to read their story in more depth!
Join their Facebook group, Pray for Caleb Freeman
FAVORITE TAKE-AWAYS:
“I’m pretty much the biggest nobody on this earth today but for some reason God has chosen to write this amazing story using my life. God has put me on this earth to tell that greater story and I live to tell that story to anyone who will listen.” - Caleb Freeman
"The church that suffers well together grows well together" - Jeremy Freeman
"God, use our story for your glory" - Jeremy
"As believers we have to get to a place where our faith becomes so real to us that suffering doesn’t destroy your faith, but it refines it" - Caleb
"Faith that can’t be tested, can’t be trusted" - Caleb
"God paves the way even in tragedy" - Somer
"When you say 'thy will be done' that is when the cloud of darkness starts to lift" - Jeremy
"If you don’t take your grief to the Lord, it can control and consume you" - Jeremy
"Suffering has been my greatest theologian" - Martin Luther
"God always knows what He is doing and most of the time He is up to something bigger" - Caleb
"Preach these Truths to yourself until you believe them" - John Piper
"We believe suffering can be used to draw people to God’s heart" - Jeremy
"You can impress people with your strengths but you connect with people through your weaknesses" - Caleb
Connect with Somer!
Stay connected to Somer and the Love Where You Are podcast through her Facebook & Instagram! Now, go love where you are and live on mission for Jesus today.
A Little Goes A Long Way with Rachael Adams
Welcome to the Love Where You Are podcast!
In today’s episode, Somer is joined with Rachel K. Adams.
Rachel is the author of A Little Goes a Long Way and she is the host of The Love Offering podcast. Rachael hopes to help women realize their God-given purpose and significance. She and her husband, Bryan, run a family business and farm in Kentucky with their two children, Will and Kate, and two dogs. Her work has been featured on Crosswalk, iBelieve, Today Parenting, and YouVersion. She is also a friend of the Love Where You Are podcast!
In this episode, Somer and Rachel talk about her devotional (A Little Goes a Long Way) and how we as mothers and wives can find significance in our seemingly ordinary lives.
Rachel reminds us of the life Jesus led, the humble son of a carpenter from Nazareth who saw the hungry, the lame, the blind, the women. While Jesus did perform extraordinary miracles, he also did the simple act: speaking to these people. Sometimes living our ordinary lives and following Jesus may not seem glamourous (especially in contrast to social media's image of life!) but it can be exactly what God calls from us. Not only that, but Rachel reminds us that we are loved by God not because of what we can do, but just simply because He does. God is the most significant and He loves us unconditionally.
Thank you for being here today. Now, let's dive into the conversation!
Connect with Rachel:
Get her A Little Goes a Long Way book!
Follow her on Instagram
Check out her Website
Listen to the Love Offering Podcast
FAVORITE TAKE-AWAYS:
We don’t gain our value from our work but there is value in our work
As believers, God looks upon us and says ‘I am pleased with you’, therefore you already have significance
We already have inherent significance just because God created us
We exhaust ourselves even though our value has already been determined by our Creator
If nothing was too insignificant for the Savior of the world, then nothing is too insignificant for us.
We don’t need to discount those simple, everyday moments where we’re just connecting with one another on a heart to heart level
Everyone has the daily, ordinary and so what happens when we’re faithful there?
The devil wants to take our eyes off of what we have been given
There is too much at stake to let comparison get us off track
At the end of the day, God does his best work with weak and little and inadequate and that’s the story of all of scripture.
REMEMBER:
When we are weak, He is strong and He gets all the glory
When we love others well, that kind of activity is contagious
When they do something that may feel super small, we need to call attention to it and tell them how proud we are - as we start to draw attention to those things, they will start to draw attention to those things
When God created Adam and Eve, He looked upon His creation and said it was good before they ever did a thing.
Connect with Somer!
Stay connected to Somer and the Love Where You Are podcast through her Facebook & Instagram! Now, go love where you are and live on mission for Jesus today.
How to Disciple Our Kids with Melissa Swain
Welcome to the Love Where You Are podcast!
In today’s episode, Somer is joined with Melissa Swain.
Melissa Swain has spent nearly 23 years as a pastor’s wife and she is a mom, homeschool teacher, writer, and editor.
She and her husband, Chris, have served all across the south in ministries. Chris served in Long Hollow Church in Hendersonville, Tennessee, as Disciple-Making Pastor and CEO of Replicate Ministries, training the local church to make disciples.
Chris served in full-time ministry for over two decades after proudly serving in the United States Marine Corps. Sadly, Chris passed away in 2021, but he and Melissa co-wrote the book, “Write It On Their Hearts” before going to his heavenly home. The words he leaves reflect his devotion to his family and to making disciples, and today Melissa is here to share that guidance with us.
Last week, we had Dennis Allen who spoke to us about discipleship, and today it only seems fitting we continue that conversation with Melissa.
Melissa and Somer will stay rooted in scripture as they explore what it means to disciple your children, with practical real sustainable approaches discussing things like:
- The pressure we put on ourselves to disciple our kids well
- Simplifying daily discipleship with our kids
- Holding our kids capable rather than accountable
- The importance of rest and modeling that for our kids
- And so much more!
Thank you for being here today. Now, let's dive into the conversation!
Connect with Melissa:
Write It on Their Hearts book!
FAVORITE TAKE-AWAYS:
-A lot of times we are our own worst enemies because we put so much pressure on ourselves - we end up sapped of energy, inspiration and joy and it seems like an overwhelming task to disciple our kids
-We all have the desire to fit in - we all want to be one of the group
-We are not taught that standing out is OK - so we have to change our mindset and understand that it is ok to be different and it is ok to stand out
-We have to teach ourselves and let God teach us through His word that we are not supposed to be like everyone else
-Take a step back and teach our kids to evaluate based on what God’s word says:
“What does God’s word say about that?”
“What do you think God thinks about that?”
REMEMBER:
-Be in constant open ended conversation with your kids
-Intentional discipleship of our kids does not mean that you have all of the answers all of the time
-As God teaches us, we teach our kids
-You have to say things out loud because your kids can’t read your mind
-As parents, our children are our first and closest disciples
-The big things aren’t what make the most impact, it’s the small things
-When we hold our kids capable that means that we believe in them and we are telling them, "Hey, I believe in you."
-“Restlessness is an addiction. Hurry is the drug.”
-You can’t pour out of an empty cup
-Bring God into our rest
CONNECT with Somer!
Stay connected to Somer and the Love Where You Are podcast through her Facebook & Instagram! Now, go love where you are and live on mission for Jesus today.
Understanding the Discipleship Dilemma with Dennis Allen
Welcome to the Love Where You Are podcast!
In today’s episode, Somer is joined with Dennis Allen.
Dennis Allen has served as a Chief Executive Officer in electronics, software, distribution, oil & gas, and conglomerates in public and private corporations. He has also served in leadership with mega, mid-sized and startup churches, as an elder, deacon, teacher and speaker across Presbyterian, Evangelical Free, Baptist churches and Military Chapels in the U.S., Europe and Asia. Dennis was an Air Force F-15 fighter and instructor pilot serving in stateside and international posts prior to his business career. He is also the author of, "The Discipleship Dilemma."
In this episode, Somer and Dennis discuss:
*How parents can effectively disciple their children
*Why our kids and young adults are leaving the Christian faith
*Traditionalism vs true discipleship
Dennis and Somer step out of the comfort zone today to highlight a very important issue…The Disciple Dilemma, Dennis literally wrote the book on it!
This episode is a bit of a gut punch, but the good kind (I know its weird but we need the honest truth!) as Dennis and Somer understand the reality of Christianity today.
Pastor Tony Evans says it this way: "The problem isn’t that we don’t have enough Christians. The problem is Christ doesn’t have enough disciples.”
Statistics from Dennis' book:
- 65 % of the US population identify as Christian (200 million believers) and yet less than a quarter of them attend church (50 million)
- 82 % of these believers say they have no Bible study, faith community or mentor
- 80 % say they lack the skills or relationships to feel free to talk about their faith
- Another survey found that 92% of Christians do not believe that sharing their faith is important
- The statistics show 6 out of 10 young people walking away from the church - calling it arrogant, evil or irrelevant
This is every Christian parent’s worst nightmare and yet it has proven true for people all around us and maybe in our own homes. Knowing the reality of these statistics, let’s dive in and ask, "What is the disciple dilemma we face today? Why is it important to me as a parent?"
Thank you for being here today. Now, let's dive into the conversation!
Connect with Dennis:
The Disciple Dilemma: Rethinking and Reforming How the Church Does Discipleship
FAVORITE TAKE-AWAYS:
The problem is doing the same thing but expecting a different outcome.
We’ve been hacked and it’s coming for your family - what now?
The idea of discipleship is not about perfect parents in perfect control of perfect children who do perfect things. The idea of discipleship is about an individual human being being invited to come and investigate and evaluate who the person of Jesus Christ is.
It is critical that we understand that the largest problem in American Christianity today is the idea that I want Jesus to save me, but this idea about being "Lord - I’m good."
“We really like being a fan of Jesus but having him as our Lord, not so much.” Sam Albury
If you think your kids have to look this way, talk this way, act this way - you’re going to lose the fight.
The problem that we face in contemporary American Christianity is….
We’ve got to stop worrying about conversation and start worrying about what Jesus actually talked about which is make disciples of people. Parents, stop trying to control it and take the walk with your kids.
We don’t need the answers to every question - we need the time to take the walk out the questions and go through life together.
If you are living for the metrics of managing your kids, you lose the mission.
QUESTIONS TO ASK:
Are you afraid?
Are you stressed out?
Or are you just going through the motions?
REMEMBER:
Biblical Discipleship is -
*Invitation
*Investigation
*Surrender
Stop trying to control your kids' outcome and start showing them, walking with them through real life - give them the steering wheel so to speak.
Discipleship is a constant, neverending, lifelong journey of surrender.
You have to learn to see the unique human being that is in front of you.
Meek - powerful but under control
Submission = a battle formation in good order
Parents - The Lord Jesus Christ has called you to the role you are in.
SCRIPTURE:
Micah 6:8
1 Peter 3:15
CONNECT with Somer!
Stay connected to Somer and the Love Where You Are podcast through her Facebook & Instagram! Now, go love where you are and live on mission for Jesus today.
Know Thy Gamer: How to Engage With Kids Who Love to Game with Drew Dixon
Welcome to the Love Where You Are podcast!
In today’s episode I am joined with Drew Dixon.
Drew is the co-founder of Love Thy Nerd, a ministry that offers a better way to share the love of Jesus to nerds and nerd culture.
Let’s face it: the digital age has changed the way we parent. So, instead of ignoring what your children are playing or removing the videogames altogether, Love Thy Nerd offers an opportunity for parents to understand their children and the kinds of games they are playing.
Drew wrote a book titled "Know Thy Gamer" to discuss important movements in the gaming world. He guides parents to a better understanding on the topic through a Christian lens.
In this episode, Somer and Drew Dixon discuss:
- common myths related to video games
- benefits of gaming
- and the often missed opportunity for parents and churches to engage and share the love of Jesus with gamer culture
Let's equip you with the knowledge and tools you need to face this digital age of parenting.
Thank you for being here today. Now, let's dive into the conversation!
Connect with Drew at lovethynerd.com and grab a copy of his new release HERE!
Resources for researching video games:
FAVORITE TAKE-AWAYS:
-Common myths about video games
- Video games are going to make our kids violent
- Video games are going to turn my kid into a mindless zombie i.e. addiction
Love Thy Nerd exists to be the love of Jesus to gamers and their culture.
220 million Americans play video games regularly.
The church has an opportunity for mission and connection with nerd culture.
-If your child is identifying themself as a “nerd” or a “gamer”, the best thing you can do as a parent is be curious about that - and genuinely so.
-If we keep love at the center, that guides everything else that we do
-Everything in our culture is designed to ‘get its hooks into us’.
-Video game addiction is a very small subset of the gaming population, less than 1%
-Video games engage our brain in a way that’s deeper than a book or movie because the player gets to have input.
-Our kids experience a sense of accomplishment in gaming. We do not want to diminish their accomplishments even if it doesn't seem special to us.
REMEMBER:
God is the author or play and fun.
These days games do bring people together.
Boredom is your friend as a parent - we need to let go of this idea that our kids constantly need something to do.
Mindset: "I want to learn about you because you are my child and I love you - I want to know what makes you tick, without judgment."
CONNECT with Somer!
Stay connected to Somer and the Love Where You Are podcast through her Facebook & Instagram! Now, go love where you are and live on mission for Jesus today.