What really matters most with Cynthia Yanof

Loving your family well isnt always as simple as it sounds. There are seasons when connection feels easy, and others when you feel unseen, unheard, or like your efforts just arent landing.

In this episode, Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, shares insights from decades of helping couples and families better understand how to give and receive love. With the release of his latest book, the conversation goes deeper into how love languages can shape stronger, more meaningful relationships at home.

We talk about what to do when you dont feel loved, how to better understand your spouse and children, and why taking the first step in showing love can shift the entire dynamic of a relationship. Theres also practical wisdom on how to approach hard conversations with care and intentionality.

This episode is a powerful reminder that small, consistent choices in how we love can make a lasting impact on our families.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Dr. Gary Chapman

01:43 The Importance of Feeling Loved

03:43 Gary Chapman's Life and Work

04:58 Understanding Love Languages

08:42 The New Book: The Love Language That Matters Most

12:39 Communicating Love Effectively

16:46 Identifying Love Languages in Children

17:49 Understanding Love Languages in Early Childhood

20:55 Practical Parenting Tips Using Love Languages

24:38 Engaging with Teenagers: Navigating Independence

29:32 Adapting Love Languages for Teenagers

32:23 Legacy of Love: Reflections on Parenting and Faith

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Resources from todays show:

Connect with Dr. Gary Chapman

5 Love Languages

5 Love Languages free test

5 Love Languages Premium Assessment

The Love Language That Matters Most - new book

5 Love Languages of Children

5 Love Languages of Teenagers

Open a LearningRX center

Prefer video? This episode is on YouTube!

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. (John 12:3)

In the story of Mary and Martha, Mary was the sister who understood the big picture and spent a lot of time at the feet of Jesus. First, she sat at his feet as a disciple would do and listened to Jesus as he taught. Later, she anointed Jesuss feet with expensive perfume and washed them with her hair.

It would have been easy for Mary to be distracted and overwhelmed like her sister became. There was a lot going on and there were a lot of people in her house! Jesus was staying with them and the end of his ministry was nearing. He had also just resurrected their brother! Mary could have multitasked her way through that dinner, but she focused her whole self on Jesus instead.

We live in a culture that tells us we can have it all and do it all, and we can multitask and be more efficient. But we cant multitask Jesus. Jesus was not suggesting that Mary (or Martha) completely disregard their responsibilities, but he was calling them to focus fully on the most important thing, which was him in that moment.

What would it look like for our families to focus on Jesus without distractions? As parents, we can model abiding in Christ and encourage our kids to do the sameto experience the gift of learning from him about eternal things instead of rushing around focusing on the present.

This week, lets pray that our kids say no to distractions and grow in their ability to solely focus on Jesus and truly abide in his presence.

Jesus, thank you for being our teacher and our Savior. I pray that __________ chooses to sit at your feet and focus on you. As they do the work you have called them to, help them to remember that you are the most important thing. When they are distracted, as they inevitably will be, draw nearer to them. Amen.

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Legacy is something every family is building, whether intentionally or not. But in the middle of busy schedules and full lives, it can be easy to lose sight of what were actually passing down.

In this months My Virtual Mentor episode, Jeff Henderson, author, pastor, and leader, shares wisdom on what it means to live and lead with legacy in mind. The conversation explores what truly matters at the end of our lives, the values we want to instill in our children, and how to be more intentional with the time weve been given.

We talk about the tension between work and family, why choosing your family matters more than you think, and how everyday decisions shape the kind of legacy you leave behind.

This episode is designed to not only encourage personal growth, but also spark meaningful conversations, with a mentor, spouse, or trusted friend, about the kind of life and family you want to build.

If youre just getting started - dont miss the previous episodes:

• My Virtual Mentor: Why Mentorship Matters
• My Virtual Mentor: Intimacy with God
• My Virtual Mentor: Personalities and Temperaments
• My Virtual Mentor: Stewardship & Generosity 
• My Virtual Mentor: Time Management & Creating Margin
• My Virtual Mentor: Identity in Christ (Part 1 and Part 2)
• My Virtual Mentor: Prioritizing Your Marriage 

Chapters:

00:00 Reconnecting at Chick-fil-A Headquarters

05:01 Lessons on Leadership and Legacy from Truett Cathy

12:50 End-of-Life Perspectives: What Truly Matters

17:04 Navigating Parenting with Encouragement and Wisdom

18:20 The Weight of Words

22:14 Preparing for Impact

23:35 Defining Legacy and Values

28:01 Carrying on Family Traditions

34:20 Leadership and Influence in Parenting

37:43 A Prayer for Parents

MY VIRTUAL MENTOR GUIDE (MARRIAGE)

Scripture to memorize:

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Scriptures for prayer and study:

Psalm 78:4, Matthew 6:20-21, Psalm 103:17, Proverbs 29:18

Books for further study:

• Eat Mor Chikin: Inspire More People by Truett Cathy
• Choosing to Cheat by Andy Stanley
• The Legacy Life by David Green
• Divine Disruption by Tony Evans and children

Discussion questions:

What do you want to pass down from your parents?

What do you want your kids to say about you when your life is over? 

What values matter most to you? 

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

• Christian Parenting
• Pardon The Mess 
• Courtney DeFeo

Resources from todays show:

• Connect with Jeff Henderson
• What To Do Next by Jeff Henderson
• FOR by Jeff Henderson
• Resources from Titus 2 Mentoring
• Open a LearningRX center

Prefer video? This episode is on YouTube!

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Then he said, Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom. Jesus answered him, Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise. (Luke 23:4243)

As Jesus was led to his crucifixion, he was surrounded by two men on crosses next to him, all three of them facing death. One man was mocking and doubting Jesus, but the other man turned to Jesus in his final moments and was promised eternity with Jesus.

Although not much was shared in this interaction, the thief did proclaim Jesus was Lord. Its a powerful reminder that its never too late to repent and accept Jesus. There is always hope; in fact, the Bible says that everyone who calls on his name will be saved (Romans 10:13). This story also reminds us that doing good works or earning our way to heaven is not what Jesus offered us; it is a free gift.

As believing parents, our hope is that there is more distance between our kids salvation and their death than there was for the thief on the cross. We know that true peace, joy, and hope is found in following Jesus, and we want our kids to have that for a lifetime; we want them to experience a full life of faith. We want them to spend many years drawing others to faith. However, we must never count out a child that is full of sin and far from God. God is still reaching for them up until their last breath.

This week, lets pray that our kids accept the free gift of salvation and spend their lives following Jesus.

Jesus, thank you for the gift of salvation. Lord, please draw __________ to you. Help them to understand what following you means, that there is nothing they can do to make you love them less or more, and that you give them the gift of peace on earth now and eternal life with you later. Amen.

If you love this episode and dont have your copy of A Great Cloud of Witnesses yet, its not too late to get yours! Go ChristianParenting.org to get your copy and follow along. And dont forget to tune in to Pardon the Mess every Monday for more prayer episodes. 

Order A Great Cloud of Witnesses today

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Marriage can be both deeply challenging and incredibly beautiful, and many couples experience seasons of disconnection along the way.

In this episode, Cheryl Scruggs shares her powerful story of reconciliation after walking through divorce and finding her way back to her husband years later. Together, the conversation explores the realities of marriage, the slow drift that can happen over time, and the hope that restoration is possible, even after deep hurt.

We talk about the importance of communication, the danger of letting resentment grow in silence, and the role of community in helping marriages stay healthy. There is also practical encouragement for women who want to be more intentional in their relationships and create space for honesty and healing.

This episode is a reminder that while marriage takes work, it is also a place where God can bring growth, redemption, and renewed connection.

Here are the verses she shared!

Matthew 19:26

With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Deuteronomy 8:2 (read full chapter too)

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.

Ephesians 3:20

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

Chapters:

00:00 Navigating Life's Challenges

03:02 The Journey of Marriage Ministry

06:02 Crisis in Marriage: Recognizing the Signs

09:09 Building a Stronger Connection

11:59 The Importance of Vulnerability in Relationships

19:20 Navigating the Transition to Empty Nesting

22:02 The Importance of Nurturing Intimacy

24:34 Overcoming Disconnection in Marriage

27:32 The Role of Counseling in Strengthening Relationships

29:59 Practical Steps to Show Love and Respect

31:54 Finding Hope and Redemption in Marriage

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Resources from todays show:

Connect with Cheryl and Jeff

Thriving Beyond Belief - Cheryls podcast

Thriving Beyond Belief - Cheryls newest book

I Do Again - Jeff and Cheryls book

Open a LearningRX center

Sign up for Morning Minute

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org