Have you ever prayed that God would reveal something to you?
OK, not just prayed—begged.
Like, you ask and ask and ask and never know exactly how you will find out the answer.
The world is changing around you, yet you aren’t sure if those changes are answers to prayers or simply coincidence.
Prayers from a “fixer”
Today, that was me.
I was listening to “my soundtrack” on Alexa super low, like I do every day, and working on homework for my master’s degree. In the middle of that homework, I wasn’t focused. I was thinking of everything in life that I wanted to be fixed. I am naturally a “fixer,” so I think of those things often.
As a means of refocusing, I lifted my arms in the air and asked some very specific things from God. I didn’t ask for his will to be done, like I probably should have. Instead, I asked for a fix to a million things and feelings.
I think that’s OK.
I think it is normal for our human desires to peek through and show an understanding that we lack control.
Between contentment and brokenness
The issue is, as parents, single or married, how do we harness the feeling of being out of control and press on in faith?
For me, my divorce put me into a seemingly out-of-control spiral.
Not in the way you would think. I was getting everything done—parenting, praying, praising—but I was getting in bed at night wondering when life would change.
It was—is—consuming because we desire the world for our kids and ourselves. Not that I hadn’t made the right decisions for my family, but I would replay that God had a bigger plan for my life and wonder when that plan would come to fruition.
I was walking the middle ground between being content and so thankful and being broken with a desire for more.
A direct answer
That brings me back to today.
I have rarely if ever had the Lord answer me directly.
Do not get me wrong: I am here today because of God’s goodness in answering or not answering my prayers, but today I needed more—if I am being honest.
While my hands were lifted, “my soundtrack” softly played, and I asked my questions and desires, I heard the word wait.
Needless to say, I stopped in my tracks.
WAIT? WHAT? Is that you, God?
I firmly believe God works in mysterious ways, but this was a new one for me. Come to find out, the song on my Alexa was “Hurry Up and Wait” by MercyMe. God uses songs in my life so much, but I’d never had such a distinct word at such a distinct time.
The wait was a loud and clear answer to more than just the questions I was asking as a tired, unfocused single parent.
I listened to a little more of the song and decided to look it up on YouTube. The music video started, and the verse that played across the screen was Isaiah 40:31. It’s a verse I have heard and read over and over, but today it took on a new meaning for my worried heart.
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40:31 NIV).
Wanting more for our kids
Single parents, divorced parents—we run.
We run and run until we are so weary of the world. We worry about the idea that surrounds our outer image.
We grow faint at the thought that we are imperfect in the position we have been called to as parents, and we try to overcorrect all of the things we feel contaminate our image of whole and holy.
We find ways to justify our decisions and prove our hard work. We pray for the day that we will soar and, better yet, the day the world will see us soar.
The position we are in is hard, so very hard. We want more, not for us but for our kids. We want them to be exempt from the hardships we have faced—and we want it NOW.
But today, God told me, “Wait.”
He didn’t say no. He didn’t say yes. He didn’t say maybe.
He said, “Wait.”
Experience the trenches
Someone recently told me that if I skipped straight to being healed, I would miss what God has for me in the wilderness.
So many miracles have happened in the wilderness, and I surely don’t want to miss mine.
So, I will wait.
And I want you to be encouraged that wait just means hold on.
It doesn’t mean no, but it does mean not right now.
Waiting doesn’t mean do nothing either. It means we put every one of our desires, questions, aches, and pains in the hands of a Lord who has the authority over our future that he promised.
Every day, I am reminded that the end of the story is written, and it is oh so sweet. So, I will wait and experience the trenches for a life that will rise to the mountaintop.
