Centering Your Family in the Midst of Chaos with Virgil Tanner
We want our home to be a place of peace and stability, but sometimes external and internal dynamics make this extremely challenging. Virgil Tanner and his wife Joy have parented their children on three continents in a variety of difficult circumstances. Today he shares how they learned to order their family stability around regular prayer and the family sabbath. Learn how he took a two thousand year old Christian tradition and adapted it to engage his little ones, teenagers, and the adults in their household. The practice has helped them thrive in the midst of shaky governments, cultural chaos, and personal tragedy.
Virgil Tanner has been married for 20 years and is a father of five. He has lived on three continents and currently oversees strategy and global operations for a non-profit with hundreds of staff scattered all over the world.
Resources Mentioned:
Northumbria Online Prayer Community
The Book of the Dun Cow by Walter Wangerin Jr.
Teaching Children How to Think with Virgil Tanner
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The Fight for Freedom from Pornography with Ted Shimer
The pornography industry makes more money than the NBA, NFL, MLB, and NHL combined. Porn is hunting for every member of our family, and the effects on the body of Christ are devastating. There is no greater obstacle we face when it comes to discipleship, spiritual leadership, relational and spiritual health than the enslavement of porn addiction. Today Ted Shimer joins me to talk about the grim realities happening in our families. He then shares the hope that comes when combining spiritual principles with brain science to bring men, women, and our children lasting freedom from the grip of pornography.
Bio:
Ted Shimer has mentored men since 1991 with the collegiate ministry Student Mobilization. He received his MABS from Dallas Seminary and has been trained as a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional-Supervisor. Ted has helped people overcome the bondage of pornography in the context of making disciples. He is the Founder of The Freedom Fight, an online porn addiction recovery program. He is also the author of the book, The Freedom Fight, The New Drug and the Truths that Set Us Free. Ted and his wife Amber have four adult children and live in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
Resources Mentioned:
The Freedom Fight: The New Drug and the Truth that Sets us Free
The Freedom Fight 30 Day Challenge to break free from Pornography
Freedom From Porn Begins Here: YouVersion Bible 30 Day Devotional Plan
Covenant Eyes: Accountability and Internet Filter
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Centering on Christ in the Midst of Chaos with Virgil Tanner
More than any other period in our lifetime, the world seems to be swirling in chaos. On top of that, many of us have personal crisis or perpetual responsibilities that leave us traumatized. Today I talk with Virgil Tanner about two strategies for centering on Christ in the midst of a chaotic world. The first strategy is for long term soul health. The second strategy can be adapted to acute times of crisis to keep us from spiraling out of control.
Virgil’s Framework
The Five Dimensions of the Human Soul, and the three areas to address with each:
Spiritual: Alone, With Others, Working in the World
Physical: Eat, Move, Recover
Cognitive: Learn, Focus, Play
Emotional: Notice, Interview, Manage
Relational: Discern, Invest, Grow
Virgil Tanner has been married for 20 years and is a father of five. He has lived on three continents and currently oversees strategy and global operations for a non-profit with hundreds of staff scattered all over the world.
Resources Mentioned:
Centering on Christ, Caring for Your Soul: a self-guided exercise - https://www.dropbox.com/s/fhqkdh8sfdpuwuv/ Centering%20on%20Christ%2C%20Caring%20for%20Your%20Soul%2 0Exercise.pdf?dl=0
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Creating a New Family Habit for 2021
If we want to change our families, we can do so by concentrating on one habit at a time. Today I brainstorm several potential family habits to consider for 2022, and encourage you to pick ONE new one to ingrain in your lives.
Habits:
Prayer: Morning Time, Meal Time, Drive Time, Bed Time
The Word: Read at dinner, The Bible App Devotions, Verse of the Week or Month
Dinner together: Minimum times per week, do Roses and Thorns
Make one night a week a special night of worship or blessing: Read the Word, Family Worship, Invite Grandparents to bless their grandchildren, Pick one night a week or month to practice hospitality
Be a Blessing: Family service project, Adopt an orphan, Adopt a spiritual orphan, Adopt a single person or widow, Serve at Church Together, Give Generously
A Simple Illustration to Understand the Importance of the Church Body
When charcoal is grouped together it burns hot and does its job. When you remove a briquette from the fire, it goes cold. In this short devotional I give a simple explanation for the importance of staying connected to the Body of Christ, in a manner that you can easily demonstrate with your family.
A Surprising Truth About Discipleship
People are different, and because of that, discipleship does not always look the same. It’s not a step by step process, and just because our children have “caught” one area of discipleship we cannot expect the “next” one will come naturally. In this short devotion, I share how we can give room for differences and encourage the good we see growing in each family member.
Revisiting: How to teach Contentment
As we get near Christmastime, its a wonderful time of year to review a perpetual quandary of our modern age: How to we teach our children contentment when they are surrounded by unrelenting advertisements for more and more stuff. Today I revisit an early episode where we talk about a three part strategy for teaching contentment in the home.
1. Teach Perspective
2. Take Responsibility for Others
3. Live More By Having Less
Revisiting: Making a Plan for Family Holiday Gatherings
We’re entering the season filled with awe, wonder, gratitude, and dread. It’s that time of year where we get to spend time with family we love. Sometimes, we get to spend time with family who are easier to love at a distance. Let’s be honest, just because we grew up together doesn’t mean we now have the same worldview, parenting styles, standards, goals, or aspirations. And sometimes we love every member of our family, and are mostly on the same page as them, but it’s just overwhelming when they all get together at once. Today I give you a handy guide to having less stress, more fun, and perhaps even eternally significant extended family gatherings this Thanksgiving and Christmas.
1. Release yourself from the guilt of thinking you’re going to please everybody.
2. Stop sabotaging the peace of all of the days leading up to your family gathering.
3. Make a plan. Aim to stick with your plan. Walk in grace when you cannot stick to your plan.
• “How am I going to calendar these next few weeks with enough margin to not run ragged?”
• “How am I going to coach my children for some of the unsavory experiences they might encounter with our extended family?”
• “Knowing that I do not trust this particular person in my family, how am I going to make sure that my children are not left in vulnerable situations with them?”
• “How am I going to redirect conversations with grace when they go down gossipy or destructive pathways?”
• “How am I going to lovingly hold my boundaries when this particular family member tries to guilt or manipulate me?”
• “How am I going to love and support my spouse as they navigate the different people in their family?”
4. Intentionally instill a time of personal worship and gratitude, for you and your immediate family.
5. Don’t miss the teaching and training opportunities in your own family. Have honest conversations (without gossip or disparaging) with some of the struggles you’ve had in your family before. Teach them how you’ve tried to love and also live in boundaries. Affirm their feelings if they don’t like some of their cousins. Coach them on how to show love to hard people.
6. Don’t go to your gatherings to “just get through them”, go seeking to be an instrument of grace.
7. Bring your other family members in as best as you can on the plan. If it’s dreadful for you, likely it’s dreadful for other family members. Since you have some time, start talking about how you might intentionally make the time more meaningful as you’re together. Maybe each family can put together a little photo video project of what happened over the last year. Maybe you can plan a service project together. Maybe as a family you can adopt a family in need and work together to provide for them.
8. Think of ways you can be “others first” without feeling resentful and manipulated.
9. Don’t add to your spouse’s stress by guilting them over their family.
10. Pray for your family!
Revisiting: How to win your family’s heart
Revisiting one of my favorite early episodes, I lay out principles that will help you win the hearts of your family and influence the culture of your home. Based on principles form Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, I share three principles that can help lower defensiveness and increase the willingness of each member of your household to do their best for one another. When it’s all said and done, these principles are nothing more than an exposition of the golden rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.