Lessons Learned in Our Adoption Journey with Somer & Corey
November is Adoption Awareness month and to celebrate and bring awareness, I am welcoming my husband Corey to the show to have a candid conversation about our 10 year adoption journey.
We hold nothing back as we share honest and raw stories from the many experiences both beautiful and hard and offer insight into how God’s calling doesn't always turn out as we planned but it is always as He ordained.
It's not always easy to answer God's call to love when God's calling isn't clear or results are far from what you expect, but this is what inspired this ministry and we hope it inspires and encourages you in your current season.
If you have questions or topics you'd like to hear discussed on this podcast, SEND ME AN EMAIL and I'd love to devote episodes to come to serve you and your family.
Thanks for listening!
Parenting Your Foster and Adoptive Kids With Confidence
Welcome back friends - today I am talking about Parenting Your Foster and Adoptive Kids with Confidence
Have you ever struggled with the feeling of not being qualified to parent your adopted or foster child?
Do you struggle with the fears that you are irrevocably messing up your child because there were and are things you simply didn’t know…until you learned them - sometimes through messy trial and error?
I think all parents feel that way to some degree, even with their biological kids -but there can be a heavier weight to that term adopted in front of your child’s description that leaves you wrestling with whether you are either qualified to say yes or qualified to keep going.
In this episode I am going to talk about 5 responsibilities of parenting based on scripture and talk about why you are qualified to parent the child or children God has called you to love.
Scriptures mentioned:
Psalm 4:8 - In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Col. 3:20-21 - Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Proverbs 1:8 - Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
Proverbs 22:6 - Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Proverbs 13:24 - the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
Deuteronomy 6: 5-9 -
5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS:
Our children receive a birthright when they become a part of our families - and even if you are fostering right now, they are still under your umbrella protection, guidance and spiritual authority.
God has given you the children, He’s given you the how-to manual and He has given you full access to Him through the Holy Spirit to seek Him every step of the way as you parent these unique and beautiful lives He has entrusted to your stewardship.
Safeguarding What is Sacred: Keeping Your Marriage Strong as Foster and Adoptive Parents
On the last episode we talked about the reality of spiritual warfare as foster and adoptive parents.
The reality is, when you said yes to this calling a war cry was issued against you by the enemy because you stepped into something he delighted to destroy - to take part in the ministry of reconciliation.
Oftentimes the attack is aimed at your marriage because the enemy knows a husband and wife unified in their obedience to their calling is a force to be reckoned with.
Therefore, we need to be aware, know how to identify and understand the enemy’s tactics and take action.
In today's episode I will share 5 ways to safeguard what is sacred - your marriage!
Thanks for listening!
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Favorite Takeaways:
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. ~ Ephesians 2:10
Every day we are putting our energy toward something - those relationships that matter most deserve our most intentional effort - do the work to safeguard and maintain it, or do the work to repair it later.
During your prioritized time together, establish phrases or words to communicate a need for help or reprieve during high stress or exhausted situations - do the work on the front end to prevent hurt in the moment.
Be ready to throw the first punch because it is not a question of “if” the enemy attacks your marriage, but when.
This Means War: Understanding the Reality of Spiritual Warfare for Foster and Adoptive Parents
What do you think of when you hear the term spiritual warfare?
When you said “yes” to foster care or adoption you agreed to step into something the enemy of our souls delighted to break and when you did, the enemy said “this means war”
Where there is declaration of war, especially when it comes to our families, we have no choice but to stand up, armor up and fight - but how?
In today’s episode we are going to focus on the spiritual warfare adoptive and foster families face.
We are going to talk about:
- Who is the enemy?
- What is his goal?
- What is his "why?"
- What are his tactics?
- What can we do?
FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS:
People experience spiritual warfare in a variety of ways - some are oblivious (especially if they are not a child of God yet) others brush it off as irrelevant and not a part of their daily life, others still blame satan for everything and don’t take the fair share of the credit for their own sin nature and sanctification process.
The battle can be fierce at times but we know as believers that we have been given the authority and power in Jesus’ name to reject, rebuke and resist the enemy.
Equipping Foster and Adoptive Parents with Travis Thompson
Did you feel like an expert when God called you to adopt or foster?
I sure didn't.
While we learn along the way, it's always helpful to have an experienced and expert voice to speak into tough topics like trauma, child development and mental health.
In this episode I sat down with author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Travis Thompson.
Travis brings clinical expertise to today's conversation with extensive experience in addiction therapy, mental health and outpatient clinics with a family-centered focus. He and his wife have fostered kids from hard places and have a heart to see families say yes to the calling of foster care and adoption.
Travis and I discuss attachment, how trauma affects development and behavior and what foster and adoptive parents can do to help a child heal and thrive.
FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS:
If you're working from an incorrect lens you are going to be addressing things that are not there or you are going to be missing things that are readily apparent.
One of the most helpful things you can do is learn.
One of the key components to successful parenting is self-regulation.
God gives grace where you haven't learned yet
Learn more from Travis at:
https://www.travisthompsoncounseling.com/
To Those Left Behind: Helping Partners and Families Understand and Heal from Addiction
YES! Send me the BONUS EPISODE with Travis Thompson!
Reframing Your Mindset As A Christian Adoptive Parent: Embrace God's Call to Love
Welcome back to Called to Love - today we are finishing out our intro series: Reframing Your Mindset as A Christian Adoptive Parent and I pray you have been encouraged so far -
As we consider everything we have discussed so far in this series, notice the action words…reflect, remember, establish, surrender. Saying yes to adoption or foster care requires intentional and ongoing action and for our last episode in this series I want to add one more word to that list of intentional actions…embrace - God’s call to love.
When God speaks to your heart about adoption, He gives you a choice to say “yes” but what I didn’t understand and have since learned is He’s also issuing an invitation and a choice to learn to love in an entirely new way. I was all in and committed to the warm-fuzzy, instant connection, this-is-going-to-be-a-fairy-tale kind of love. But love in the trenches? Yeah, it wrecked me. Why? Because to love in this way meant I had to change.
What does it mean to love in this way?
Let’s dive into that together today…
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To dive deeper Into this series, grab your FREE GUIDE at christianparenting.org/calledtolove
FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS:
Ahavah = Hebrew word for love.
The root word is "ahav" which means "to give"
Love isn’t an emotion at all, true love is action.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Without patience and kindness, children’s brains cannot begin to heal, and their hearts cannot begin to trust and therefore, they cannot learn to receive or give love.
It can be difficult not to judge or even celebrate the removal of a child from hard places due to the nature of their former life situation, but as Christians we are called to show grace even in the worst of circumstances.
The old adage is true, “actions speak louder than words.” You can tell your child you love them all day long. But the truth of your devotion will be established and proven by your reliable presence and display of love through the way you meet their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.
Reframing Your Mindset As A Christian Adoptive Parent: Surrendering Your Fears
Welcome back friends! Today on the podcast we are continuing on with Reframing Your Mindset as a Christian Adoption parent...
Today’s topic is surrendering your fears - this is such a big one because, no matter where you are in your journey - there is always something you can choose to be fearful about. And usually our fears are expressed through the questions we ask.
Adoption comes with countless questions, unsettling risks and a good amount of fear. Once you sense the Lord’s prompting to take steps toward adoption, a flood of worst case scenarios aren’t too far behind.
So what questions can we ask and which questions are the right ones?
Let's dive in and see what God's Word says!
Download your FREE guide HERE!
FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS:
Behind every question concerning adoption there is a heart crying out for a guarantee.
As much as we all desire that fairy tale ending, what we really want is to dodge those worst case scenarios. This is very normal and nothing to be ashamed of because we have an innate tendency to self protect.
When God prompts you to do holy work, the enemy is always standing at the ready to whisper lies that will sabotage the whole plan.
God is not frustrated by your questions. He welcomes the wrestling as long as you do it alongside Him and with a “thy will be done” mindset.
Am I called?
What step is God asking me to take?
Our God is infinitely patient and when He wants you to do something, He doesn’t leave you alone about it.
Reframing Your Mindset As A Christian Adoptive Parent: Establish Your Expectations
Today on the podcast we are continuing on with Reframing Your Mindset as a Christian Adoption parent...
Today’s topic is Establish Your Expectations. It is so easy to begin to craft our expectations for who our adopted child will be, how fast the process of completion will be and what family life will look like when your child comes home.
Without realizing it, many of the struggles adoptive parents face with their journey and with their child are the result of unrealized expectations that haven’t been met. So I want to speak into this today and offer perspective from both Scripture and personal experience. I have had a lot of “aha moments” since our daughter joined our family and one of the biggest aha moments I have experienced had everything to do with my expectations and my response to…well, how nothing happened as I planned.
It's not too late to grab free download I have created to walk you through this series. Use it to refer back to the scriptures mentioned as well as journal and prayer prompts shared at the end of today's episode.
Favorite Takeaways:
Adoption rarely turns out the way we expect.
The adoption journey is filled with messy circumstances, unpredictable timing, and constant detours. And once your child comes home, things rarely unfold the way you imagined.
The truth is, the expectations you set for your adoption journey will determine your mindset and how well you walk through it.
Expectations can be a slippery slope and cause well-intended parents to trip up and focus their time, effort and energy toward an ideal that is different from what God has planned.
Adoption is not about getting “a” child for your family, it is about walking a journey of obedience as God leads you to “the” child He has for your family.
Reframing Your Mindset As A Christian Adoptive Parent: Remember Your Why
Today’s topic is Remember Your Why. And this is an important one because, it can be really easy to get caught up in the emotions, the excitement and the overall Hallmark idea of it. But the truth behind adoption is there is loss, grief and sometimes trauma and we as parents need to balance our perspective between the beauty and the loss to help us discern how to best love and guide our children. There is more to this calling than just the Insta-worthy arrival pics…much more - and today we are going to go deep as we examine God’s heart for the family, His heart for adoption and why there is a need for adoption. And I want to leave you with a challenge, wherever you are in your journey - so, let’s get started!
To understand God's heart for adoption we first have to understand His heart for the family.
God designed the family before He even established the Church. This speaks volumes about the importance of family in His eyes!
The need for adoption exists because of the brokenness of sin. God’s original design for the family did not include death, divorce, abuse, neglect, poverty or addiction. Just like with Eve, the enemy is constantly and relentlessly inserting himself into the relationships between men and women. He delights in disrupting and destroying God’s perfect design for the family.
Families who say yes to adoption are willingly stepping into brokenness, assuming a battle on behalf of another, dodging fiery arrows of lies and warring to overcome darkness with the light and truth of God’s love.
Regardless of how He designs your family, God’s heart is for your family and all families to love, serve and be in relationship with Him for generations.
This is something the enemy of our souls despises and will seek to disrupt at any cost, especially for adoptive families. Therefore, we are in a battle with him for the very legacy God desires for our children and families.
Download Your FREE guide to this series HERE!