199. My Key Takeaways from The Social Dilemma Documentary
Nov 8 • 24:55
199. My Key Takeaways from The Social Dilemma Documentary
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199. My Key Takeaways from The Social Dilemma Documentary

November 8, 2020 • 24:55 • Jay Holland

Netflix recently released a documentary called the Social Dilemma. This is film is part interview, part family drama, part recreation of the Pixar Movie Inside Out.

In interviews with some of the primary behavioral and software engineers of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest, we learn how these products are not only designed to be addictive, but also to change users behavior.

I think every parent who is on social media needs to watch, and every parent of a child who is on social media should watch it with their children. Here are some of my key takeaways from the documentary.

Show Highlights

The drug industry and the social media industry are the only two industries that refer to their customers as "users." But, you may not realize that you are not the customer of the social media industry. As a customer, you would have to be paying for the product, but someone else is  advertisers. With social media, you are the product. Advertisers pay social media platforms to influence you into long term behavioral change.

As parents, it is alarming to know that our kids are not sophisticated enough to pick up on the nuance that social media is manipulating them like a tool.

Posts become engaging when they are shocking, outrageous, or incites strong emotions. Social media also tends to show you more and more of what you are biased towards. This makes us eventually see things only from one side and view the other side with contempt.

What makes conversation more difficult than contempt? This is being fueled by the social media platforms that we are on.

Protecting our children's privacy is another very important consideration when it comes to social media. But, social media is reaching a point where it's not just about your privacy. It's about changing who you are ever more so with your kids.

Together with the normalization of young people having their own gadgets and being on social media at an early age, as a youth pastor I have noticed a much higher rate of pornography addiction among young men and women, higher rates of self-esteem issues and suicide than ever before.

To be a good example to my kids, I have deleted my social media apps from my phone so that I am not compelled to check notifications all day. If I want to get on my social media accounts, I have to wait to get on my computer at home. I have found that being on social media less has made me more engaged with actual human beings. I want to model to my children that this is not something that has to rule our life.

Think about how social media has changed your behavior and attitude. Has it raised your level of jealousy? Has it raised your level of isolation or loneliness? Has it raised your level of true connectedness? If you see unhealthy fruits from your habits, maybe you have to go on a social media diet.

Resources Mentioned

Podcast:

Let's Parent on Purpose →
With Jay Holland
LPOP-Podcast-CoverArt
Let's Parent on Purpose is a weekly podcast designed to strengthen your marriage, parenting, and personal relationship with Jesus. Host Jay Holland provides examples from God's word, real life success and failure stories, and lots of humility from his 20+ years of student ministry, parenting, foster parenting, and counseling others. Each episode you'll receive an insight or interview that will help you thrive, not just survive your parenting years. You can find more from Jay at LetsParentOnPurpose.com or follow him on Facebook and Instagram.
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Sep 18 • 31:35
Ep. 396: Helping Your Children Process the Assassination of Charlie Kirk →

In recent days, our children have experienced another horrific act of evil with the assassination of Charlie Kirk.  There are some ways in which Charlies murder was unique - his explicit Christian faith, the motives behind the murder, and its brutal public nature caught on video for the world (and our children) to see.  In other ways, this is just one more horrible act of traumatic violence that our children are exposed to.  In this episode, Jay shares four helpful guidelines for moms and dads to help their children process this (and other) wickedness. He then shares his recent episode of Guided by Faith, where he directly addresses young people to help them process the murder.  Listen as Jay shares the following wisdom for moms and dads:

Be compassionate 

  • Grieve for somebody whose life was cut short.
  • Grieve for the friends and families of those affected. 
  • Grieve with your child that they had to be exposed.

Be curious 

  • Can you tell me what you heard or saw?
  • Who was with you when you heard? What was their reaction?
  • What was your reaction? What do you remember feeling right away? What are you thinking and feeling about it now?
  • The Lord promises to be with us. In what way was the Lord with you when you heard about this?

Be cautious 

  • Dont fan the flame of fear.
  • Dont fan the flame about contempt.
  • Dont fan the flame of vengeance.
  • Pay attention to how obsessed you are getting with the situation.
  • Pay attention to how obsessed your child is getting. You might need to make time for more conversations, or let them talk to a pastor or other trusted counselor. 

Be courageous 

  • Your children will remember your tone and your spirit more than your specific words. 
  • Ground your hope and emotions in the reality that Christ has overcome the world. 
  • Remind your children that Christ has overcome the world, and that he is coming back to set all things new. Until then hes promised us that the world will have trouble, but hes also called us to be his salt and light in the world. 
  • We dont have to live afraid when we are living out Gods mission.

Lets Parent on Purpose is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcasting Network. For more information, visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Resources and links mentioned:

Sep 8 • 13:36
Bonus Episode: A Great Cloud of Witnesses →

Hey friends, today weve got something special for you: a bonus episode straight from the Pardon the Mess podcast!

Every Monday, host Courtney DeFeo shares a short prayer to help you lift up your kids. This years series follows Christian Parentings brand new prayer journal, A Great Cloud of Witnesses. 

Each week highlights a biblical hero of the faith, paired with Scripture-based prayers for your kids. Here is a sneak peek into week one:

This first week is all about Noaha man of incredible faith and obedience. While the world around him turned away from God, Noah walked in righteousness. Building the ark probably looked foolish to everyone else, but Noah trusted Gods word even when it didnt make sense. Thats the kind of faith we want for our kids: to listen to Gods voice over any others and walk confidently with Him even when it means standing apart.

If you love this episode and dont have your copy of A Great Cloud of Witnesses yet, its not too late to get yours! Go ChristianParenting.org to get your copy and follow along. And dont forget to tune in to Pardon the Mess every Monday for more prayer episodes. 

Order A Great Cloud of Witnesses today

Follow Pardon the Mess on Apple or Spotify

Sep 7 • 46:37
Ep. 395: Fake Versions of Jesus with Shane Pruitt →

What if the Jesus youve been following isnt the Jesus of the Bible? In this episode of Lets Parent on Purpose, Jay Holland talks with Shane PruittNational Next Gen Director for the North American Mission Board and author of the brand-new Bible study Not My Jesus: Reclaiming the Truth, Rejecting the Idolsabout how cultural counterfeits of Jesus can creep into our homes, churches, and parenting.

Shane shares powerful insights from decades in student ministry and parenting six children (four through adoption), along with stories of walking through profound joy and deep grief. Together, Jay and Shane explore:

  • Common false versions of Jesus such as:

  • Eternity-Only Jesus cares only about your afterlife, not your daily walk.
  • American Dream Jesus blesses comfort, accumulation, and nationalism over mission.
  • Non-Judgmental Jesus loves but never calls for repentance.
  • Comfortable Jesus keeps life safe and easy, rather than calling us into obedience and sacrifice.
  • National Jesus conflates the Kingdom of God with any earthly nation.
  • How parents may unintentionally model a counterfeit Christ through their attitudes and actions.
  • Why your familys faith is caught more than its taught.
  • How to lead your kids in authentic discipleship by living consistently for Jesus at home and in public.
  • The danger of making comfort the measure of Gods blessingand how to evaluate if youre living beyond yourself on mission.
  • A biblical view of love that both accepts us as we are and calls us to holiness.

Shane and Jay also talk about practical ways to stay anchored in Scripture, model genuine faith for your kids, and resist the cultural pull to create a Jesus in our own image.

About Shane Pruitt

Shane serves as the National Next Gen Director for the North American Mission Board, leading ministry to students and young adults across more than 50,000 churches. Hes a sought-after conference speaker, podcast host, and the author of 9 Common Lies Christians Believe and Calling Out the Called. His latest Bible study, Not My Jesus, is available in both student and adult editions and helps believers spot cultural distortions of Christ and embrace the true Savior found in the Gospels.

Lets Parent on Purpose is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcasting Network. For more information, visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Resources mentioned:

Resources & Links:

Aug 17 • 35:30
Ep. 394: Tame Your Thoughts with Max Lucado →

In this powerful and uplifting conversation, Jay Holland sits down with beloved pastor and best-selling author Max Lucado to explore the themes of his newest book, Tame Your Thoughts. With decades of pastoral experience and 40+ books to his name, Max shares deep biblical wisdom and practical tools to help both adults and children manage their thought lives through faith and truth.

Together, Jay and Max discuss:

  • Why our internal narratives shape our livesand how to rewrite them
  • How brain science is finally catching up to biblical truth
  • Three powerful tools for mental and emotional health:
  1. Practice Picky Thinking
  2. Identify UFOs (Untruths False Narratives Overreactions)
  3. Uproot and Replant with Scripture
  • How lies about identity and failure can derail both teens and parents
  • Why recognizing and correcting our own thought patterns as parents can transform our relationships
  • The surprising story behind Max Lucados first tattoo at age 70 (hint: its a Greek word from the cross)

This episode is packed with insight, encouragement, and tools to help you and your family live freer, more Christ-centered lives.

Key Takeaways:

  • You get to control the story in your head, but the story in your head will control you. Jay Holland
  • Belief leads to behavior. Shaping your belief begins by shaping your thoughts.
  • Studies show people with a belief in a loving God recover from disease at exponentially higher rates.
  • Scripture and neuroscience both affirm that your brain can be renewed.
  • Parental overreactions often stem from unexamined false narrativesrecognize and replace them with truth.
  • Teaching your kids to identify untruths and replant with Scripture equips them for lifelong emotional resilience.


Scripture Highlighted in This Episode:

  • Proverbs 4:23 "Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts."
  • Romans 12:2 "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."
  • Philippians 4:8 Whatever is true... think about such things.
  • Romans 8:1 There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.


Maxs 3-Step Toolkit for Mental Health:

  • Step 1: Practice Picky Thinking Dont believe every thought you think. Guard your minds door.
  • Step 2: Identify UFOs Trace overreactions back to false narratives and root lies.
  • Step 3: Uproot and Replant Replace toxic thoughts with Scripture and truth.

Lets Parent on Purpose is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcasting Network. For more information, visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Bio

Max Lucado is a pastor, speaker, and best-selling author of more than 40 books for adults and children. Known for his warmth, biblical insight, and storytelling, Maxs work has encouraged millions to embrace the grace of God. He serves as Teaching Pastor at Oak Hills Church in San Antonio, Texas, and continues to write, speak, and share Gods love globally.

Resources mentioned:

Tame Your Thoughts by Max Lucado Available wherever books are sold

MaxLucado.com Devotions, YouTube channel Fresh Hope, and more

Join my Things for Thursday Email List and get a free Marriage Snapshot Tool and Fun Family Conversation Ebook! 

Support Lets Parent on Purpose as we help families thrive through the gospel: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Aug 3 • 33:53
Ep. 393: Parenting Tune-up: Navigating the Seasons of Parenthood →

Join host Jay Holland as he introduces a new parenting tune-up resource designed to help parents evaluate and adjust their parenting strategies. This episode dives into the complexities of parenting across different life stages and offers biblical encouragement and practical questions to guide parents in nurturing their children.

Key Points:

  • Introduction to the Parenting Tune-up resource. 
  • Importance of adapting parenting strategies as children grow. 
  • Biblical encouragement from Psalms, Proverbs, Ephesians, and Deuteronomy. 
  • The "Oxygen Mask Principle" for self-care in parenting. 
  • Reflecting on and celebrating positive traits in children. 
  • Course correction strategies for evolving family dynamics. 
  • Long-term and short-term visioning for family growth.

Upcoming:

Look forward to an interview with Pastor Max Lucado in mid-August.

Lets Parent on Purpose is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcasting Network. For more information, visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Resources mentioned:

Access the Parenting Tuneup tool by texting "THINGS" to 66866. 

Check out the "Guided by Faith" podcast for daily devotionals.

Join my Things for Thursday Email List to get a copy of the Parenting Tune-Up tool!

Support Lets Parent on Purpose as we help families thrive through the gospel: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

About the Host

Jay Holland

Jay Holland is a follower of Jesus, a husband to Emily, and the biological and adoptive father of four children. For more than two decades Jay has served as a pastor in family and student ministries, and has walked through multiple special needs challenges within his own family.

Jay’s personal and pastoral experiences led him to launch the weekly Let’s Parent on Purpose podcast to equip and empower moms and dads to build thriving families. He serves at Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church in Stuart, Florida and is also on the board of Hopegivers, a ministry that cares for children and churches in India.

More from Jay →