Sep 29 • 40:55
141 Raising Teens in a Hyper Sexualized World with Eliza Huie
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141 Raising Teens in a Hyper Sexualized World with Eliza Huie

September 29, 2019 • 40:55 • Jay Holland

Do you ever feel awkward or overwhelmed with the thought of talking to your teenagers about sex? Author and Christian counselor, Eliza Huie, joins me today as we talk through this immensely practical book that she wrote called Raising Teenagers in a Hyper-Sexualized World. 

I found this book so helpful and insightful that I asked the author, Eliza Huie, to come and discuss what she brings to light in the book. Eliza is the Director of Life Counselling Ministry and the Dean of Biblical Counselling at Metro-Baltimore Seminary. Eliza is also a wife, mother of three, and new mother-in-law to one!

Depending on what youre dealing with right now, this podcast might be a life-saver for you. And if youre not there yet, you will be. So, I just encourage you to take this podcast and share it with those who are there right now.

Todays episode is brought to you by my Patreon supporters, who I would like to thank and who make all this possible. Through your help, I was able to interview Eliza from a distance, upgrade equipment, and utilize an audio editor.

Some recent Patreon supporters Id like to thank are: Steve and Keisha Peterson, Brad and Robin Rogers, Sally Harris, and Nick VanGoor. Thank you so much!

If you would like to help support the show, you can become a patreon, subscribe to the podcast, and sign up for my weekly newsletter.

Show Highlights

J: Thank you for joining me, Eliza.  I do want to state that I sought you out. One of my good friends handed me this book and I think I read it in a day. Can you tell me why did you write this book, Raising Teenagers in a Hyper-Sexualized World?

E: I didnt set out to write a book. This was a thesis project for the Masters degree that I was in and one of our assignments was to write something that was really practical. I wrote it and my professor told me I should teach it or put it out there for other people. So, I put it out as a free book online and a publisher contacted me and asked if Id mind taking it down, and they would publish it and try and get it out to more people. This is a publisher who is really looking for books that are very readable and very practical so that people actually get through it. I think one of the biggest struggles, especially as parents, is to find the time to read an entire parenting book. So that was really the motivation behind it.

J: I would love to walk through some of your guideposts for parents. Did you have a particular parent or parenting situation in mind as you wrote this?

E: Yes. There really wasnt a whole lot written to parents raising teens. It was a lot of parenting in the earlier years and so I wanted to target that audience specifically. I had just kind of started to finish the teen years myself. We have three children and I think my youngest was 17 or 18 when I wrote this. So, I felt like I really wanted to help that age group and parents raising that age group. I started with just tips for parents. In the book theyre written as Donts. Dont do this or dont do that. However, its actually a very positive book. It gives you a lot of Dos in the midst of the Donts. I wanted to start with helping parents from a biblical standpoint to understand their teens. To understand that the teenage years is the stage of a lot of chaos in teens bodies and in their minds. I wanted to help parents understand how theyre made, and to be compassionate in light of that, especially in light of their sins, during that time-frame.

J: Absolutely. Having been a youth pastor for 20 years now, I can tell you that this is so helpful as a parent. If I was talking or counselling someone else, I would say that this is obvious, but when its your family and your situation it feels like the stakes are so infinitely high.

So, lets get into these guideposts.

  1. Dont overreact.

Can you speak to this and why you started with it?

E: Mostly because thats our natural tendency, especially in the teen years. In the younger years, it seems like we have a lot more understanding to the fact that they are toddlers or theyre little children. As they get to be about our size, we tend to have a lot more expectation of how theyre going to respond to things. So, when they respond in ways that are still foolish, its easy to overreact, especially when it comes to sexual sin or even sexual exploration. If we find our children exploring certain things, having curiosity about certain things, or we catch them in certain things related to sexual sin, the easiest thing to do is overact and feel like this is the worst thing. And I think thats really what I wanted parents to step away from. This really isnt the worst thing that could happen, depending on what your child is struggling with or dealing with. Its really a part of the growing up process-to become sexually curious. Thats really why I wanted to start with that because its easy to overreact as parents.

J: It really is. I think one of the things that helps with perspective is just to realize that we grew up in a pretty hyper-sexualized world, as well. Its not like this all just started in the last ten years. I think its more in their faces now. When I was young, you had to actively seek pornography out. Now, its chasing them. I think its hard as a parent to remember that because we live in terror that their life is going to be over if they go down this path. And the truth is that were going to flub this up the whole way through life, and the Lord is going to use it and redeem it. When parents overreact to sexual sin, they can create an environment where sexual sin seems like the worst thing possible, and overreaction inhibits continual communication. What have you seen with that?

E: That is one of the reasons I put this at the beginning. We want to create an environment where we keep talking about sex and sexuality and the questions that they have. But overreacting really stops the conversation. It stops them from coming to us because we freak out and go to the extreme and lay down really hard consequences. There should be consequences. However, we want consequences that dont stop a behavior, but actually help us to continue to engage our children.  Our reaction really dictates that. I do really want to encourage parents that if they have overreacted, kids are pretty forgiving of our overreactions.

J: I think that often times, sexual sin is not in a bubble there are other sins. It can feel like an anvil put on your chest, as a parent. So, how do you not overreact to this? It seems to hit every area of life, but a lot of times those other sins are reactionary sins from the initial one.

  1. Dont preach or lecture.

E: I think this is really hard for parents because we feel like we have to get it all in. This is the conversation that we need to have, and we have to hit every point. But one of the things that you want to watch for is their eyes glazing over. Once you see that happening, youve lost them. So, keep your conversation small and trust that youre going to get a second swing at this. And the truth is: you do. You get a second swing at these things. Knowing that keeping it shorter allows them to process, allows you to give them some space, and then you can revisit it in future times.

J: Especially if theyve done something wrong and theyre willing to come forward on it. That can be a hard balance because what they did might be absolutely revolting to you, but theres a bigger principle at lay here, which is that bond of trust. Its like what does God do when I come and confess my sin? Does he vomit all over me at that point? No. He forgives. Will there be consequences? Yes.

  1. Dont disconnect.

J: Why is that so important?

E: It is so important because by the time you have teenagers, youve been parenting a long time and its really easy at that point to click on autopilot. You feel like youve said what you can say, youve done what you can do, and its easy to check out. But the truth is that in the teen years (it wont seem like it from them), our children actually need us more. Your kids actually want to learn about sex from their parents. They want to talk to their parents about it. So, its all the more important to really stay engaged in this season of parenting.

J: Often times most of our talks with our teens happen just as were about to head to bed after a long day. Im exhausted at the end of the day and thats when my teenage daughter comes alive. She comes home ready to spill her day and Im a zombie. But how important is it to keep engaged during that time when theyre ready to be engaged?

E: I think what your saying is what I have felt and what others have felt: its not convenient most of the time. Teens like to stay up late and that is when they tend to get a little more talkative and more engaged in conversation. Finding the time is not going to fit our agenda as much as it did when our kids were younger, and thats when were going to have to fight. Not just our weariness in parenting, but our weariness in the day. Capitalizing on those moments and being able to hear where theyre at and listen to them. Let them know that youre glad you were able to talk, and plan a time to talk more.

J: Plan a date to continue the conversation. When you get on that date, you probably wont talk about that conversation at all, but youre still connecting with the heart.

  1. Dont think, Not My Kid.

J: You dont want to have this mentality, do you?

E: No. I think that this is especially true with Christians. Believers have to really fight against this because as weve raised them, we read Bible stories, we took them to church and church camps, and we did all that we really could do to raise them up in the Lord. There can almost be a sense of, this wont happen to my child. But the truth is that they live in a world where the average age of exposure to pornography is 8 years old. And its in the home. Ninety percent of kids view pornography at home. Its easy to kind of feel like weve done all the right things, and that therefore, it will never be my child. But thats not only setting yourself up for a lot of pain and failure, but your children, as well.

J: How much of the not my kid mentality is really because Im terrified for my child or because I think its a reflection on me? And its really an attack on my pride the fact that my child would be involved in something. How much do you think that plays in?

E: I think youre really touching on the core of that. Ultimately, our children do reflect a lot of us. And thats where we have to be anchored in our own identity in Christ and be able to trust that we are in process and our children are in process and the Lord is working on us. Theres a humility factor there. I think we have to embrace, especially as our kids become teens and they make a lot of decisions that are completely their own, that this is where we get to trust that our confidence is in Christ and not in our parenting. It shows how much we are using our children as a means of finding a sense of accomplishment

J: I had really good parents. They loved me and I never doubted that they loved me. That didnt stop me from doing whatever I wanted sometimes. I know my rebellion was against the Lord, but I didnt consider it a rebellion against the Lord. I loved the Lord. I didnt consider it a rebellion against my parents. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. We, as adults, compartmentalize. As a teen theyre masters of compartmentalization, and so we have to watch and be careful sometimes that we dont take their sin as a direct affront against us. Sometimes its just the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, the pride of life.

  1. Dont avoid discussing the changes that they are experiencing.

J: Why is it important to not avoid? Are there age ranges that you would recommend exposing different talks?

E: The reason I wrote this little mini chapter is because a lot of the times we dont know all thats going on in our kids bodies physiologically. When I wrote this book, I had to do a whole lot more study than what is put into the actual book. I found myself having a much deeper compassion towards my teenage boys because of knowing what was going on in their bodies. Part of it is just helping them be aware and letting them know that some of the stuff theyre dealing with is just physical. Not taking it personal becomes very important because youre going to see mood swings like roller coasters in this age. Some of that has to do with the chemical changes happening in their body and helping them become more aware of that is a grace that you can give them in this season.

J: Dan Scott wrote a book, Caught In Between: Engage Your Preteens Before They Check Out, on helping formulate stuff in your church for preteens and I learned so much about what was happening in the wiring of a brain. If you look at the brain of an early teenager, it looks like the brain of a toddler, where theyre making connections all across the place and thats a lot. Unfortunately, theyre put in a holding pen with several hundred or thousand other children experiencing the same thing. No wonder middle school is so miserable for so many people. We cant avoid these conversations, can we?

E: Exactly. And its helpful for us to know whats going on. Its helpful for us and its helpful for them.

  1. Dont underestimate the role you play in your teens life.

J: I think many parents dont feel they have that big of a role. They think that its friends, media, and all of that. What would you say to the mom and dad that feel like their influential time is largely passed?

E: Yes. They will come across that way. But, the truth is that they do really want to be able to talk about certain things with their parents. I think that one of the things that is so important for parents is to recognize that their role has changed at this point. I would say that the majority of the conflict that happens between parents and teens is from parents actually not recognizing that their role has changed. You went from telling your kids to do everything, and that has to shift. What we want to do is move from authority to influence. If we can influence them, were going to have greater impact for them in their lives. Paul Tripp writes in Age of Opportunity a lot about that dealing with our own hearts is a lot of whats happening there.

J: I think its in the book Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay that one of the challenges we have is we give tremendous freedom in decision-making to our children in the elementary years. Then, we hit the teenage years and we remember being teenagers and we realize that the stakes of decisin-making have now radically increased. So, what happens is we do this massive course correction and we suddenly restrict what seems like a natural growth of decision-making to the teen and we can come off as unreasonable and hyper-restrictive. Now, you have more of an influencer role than an authoritarian one and that can be hard. You have a massive role; it just keeps changing.

  1. Dont send teens the wrong messages about sex.

J: Whats the right message about sex?

E: What I see in mainstream Christianity and in Christian circles is a real strong emphasis on sex being negative, on sex being bad, and on sex being evil. Thats just not biblical. When we look at Genesis, we see God as the designer, the creator of sex, and that He gave it as a blessing. It says that He spoke to Adam and Eve, and He blessed them, and He said be fruitful and multiply. The only way you can be fruitful and multiply is by having sex, so in this blessing was sex. I think that a lot of the reason why we make it big, bad, and ugly is because were afraid of them making decisions that are going to be lifelong or that affect them for the rest of their lives. But in that fear, we tend to create a mindset that sex is bad. Then when they get married, they somehow have to change gears and see sex as good. As a counselor Ive seen this be very challenging for people. So, we want to give them a biblical view of sex that God created it for man and woman in marriage and that its good and beautiful.

J: I remember teaching a series on sex and talking about cultures lies. One of the lies is that sex is primarily physical, and the truth is sex is primarily relational. So, making the point to these kids that if you want to have an amazing sexual life, work on your relational skills right now. And whats great is that married sex (where theres intimacy and theres no fear of rejection) is the goal. Its not that sex is bad, but that sex is a gift from God; a celebration of this relationship thats meant to last a lifetime.

You have done such a good job with this. I really appreciate it. Additionally, youve written another book that Im excited to talk about. Would you just mention that one really quick?

E: Sure. These books are actually part of a series. Theres five or six of them in the series. Ive written two: Raising Teenagers in a Hyper-Sexualized World and Raising Kids in a Screen-Saturated World. That one definitely speaks to what a lot of parents struggle with, which is navigating this digital world that our kids are native to.

J: You sent me that book and I just finished it and its fantastic. If someone wants to get a hold of these books, do you have a best recommendation for how they should do that?

E: Sure. The best way is directly through the publisher. Theyre also available on Westminster Bookstore or on Amazon.

J: One final question: how can we pray for you during this season of your life?

E: That God would use me in the opportunities that are ahead and that I would be able to be a conduit and a blessing to parents.

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Theyre masters of compartmentalization, and so we have to watch and be careful sometimes that we dont take their sin as a direct affront against us.
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But the truth is that in the teen years (it wont seem like it from them), our children actually need us more.
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Resources Mentioned

Elizas Website

Elizas Twitter

Elizas Publisher

Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp

Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World by Eliza Huie

Raising Teens in a Screen-Saturated World by Eliza Huie

Caught In Between: Engage Your Preteens Before They Check Out by Dan Scott

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

Podcast:

Let's Parent on Purpose →
With Jay Holland
Let's Parent on Purpose is a weekly podcast designed to strengthen your marriage, parenting, and personal relationship with Jesus. Host Jay Holland provides examples from God's word, real life success and failure stories, and lots of humility from his 20+ years of student ministry, parenting, foster parenting, and counseling others. Each episode you'll receive an insight or interview that will help you thrive, not just survive your parenting years. You can find more from Jay at LetsParentOnPurpose.com or follow him on Facebook and Instagram.
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Apr 13 • 47:58
Ep. 405: Procrastination Proof Your Life with Jon Acuff →

This episode of Lets Parent on Purpose features a powerful and practical conversation with author Jon Acuff about overcoming procrastination and building a more intentional, purpose-driven life. Drawing from his new book Procrastination Proof, Acuff reframes procrastination not as laziness, but as a mismatch between our intentions and actions, often driven by fear, overwhelm, or misplaced priorities. He introduces a simple but transformative frameworkDream, Plan, Do, Reviewthat helps parents and leaders move from good intentions to consistent follow-through. For Christian moms and dads seeking to disciple their children well, this episode emphasizes that growth starts with modeling: aligning your own habits, stewarding your time wisely, and making decisions today that serve your future self and family.

The conversation also dives into practical strategies for busy families, including how to make tomorrow easy today, prioritize what matters most, and avoid the trap of trying to do everything at once. Acuffs insights are especially helpful for parents navigating full schedules, offering realistic tools like starting with just 15 minutes a day and focusing on three to five key priorities. The episode closes with a meaningful challenge for Christian parents: to intentionally shape not only their habits but also their childrens mindset about success, time, and stewardship. By addressing concepts like the acceptable success line, parents can disciple their kids to pursue God-honoring excellence without guilt, fear, or comparison, equipping them to live faithfully and fruitfully.

Resources Mentioned:

Purchase Procrastination Proof: Never Get Stuck Again by Jon Acuff on Amazon https://amzn.to/4dPSlRF

Visit Jon Acuffs website at jonacuff.com and follow his podcast: All It Takes Is A Goal

Get Jay's new devotional, Renewed: The 365-Day Christian Gratitude Journal https://amzn.to/3MLWavl Use it solo, with your small group, or as a family for daily Scripture-based prompts to foster gratitude and closeness to Christ.

Text "THINGS" to 66866 for free high-quality resources from Jay, including fun family conversations, a 52-week Scripture memory system, dating questions for kids, marriage tools, and more.

Guest Bio: Jon Acuff

Jon Acuff is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and leadership expert known for his practical and engaging approach to personal growth and productivity. He has written multiple books, including Procrastination Proof, helping people overcome overthinking, take action, and live with greater purpose. Jon works with individuals, teams, and organizations to build habits that lead to lasting success, all while blending humor, honesty, and real-life application. He lives in Tennessee with his family and is passionate about helping others reach their full, God-given potential.

Key Takeaways from the Episode

  • Procrastination is a gap between intention and action, not just poor time management
  • The Dream, Plan, Do, Review framework provides a simple, repeatable path to progress
  • Start small: 15 minutes a day can build momentum and lasting habits
  • Focus on 35 priorities instead of trying to do everything at once
  • Make tomorrow easy today is a powerful discipline for both parents and kids
  • Model habits first. Discipleship is more caught than taught
  • Teach kids to think long-term and make decisions that benefit their future selves
  • Be mindful of the acceptable success line and how your beliefs about success shape your children
  • Celebrate progress and reinforce positive habits in your home
  • God-honoring productivity isnt about perfection. Its about faithful stewardship over time

Lets Parent on Purpose is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcasting Network. For more information, visit www.ChristianParenting.org

More Resources & Links:

Renewed: The 365-Day Christian Gratitude Journal by Jay Holland https://amzn.to/3MLWavl

Check out www.youthministry.coach

Daily Devotional Podcast Guided by Faith: www.guidedbyfaith.net

Join my Things for Thursday Email List and get a free Marriage Snapshot Tool and Fun Family Conversation Ebook! https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y

Support Lets Parent on Purpose as we help families thrive through the gospel: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Mar 9 • 54:28
Ep. 404: Raising Gender Confident Kids with Dr. Kathy Koch →

In this powerful episode of Lets Parent on Purpose, Jay welcomes back Dr. Kathy Koch to discuss how Christian parents can raise gender-confident kids in todays confusing cultural climate. Drawing from her book Raising Gender-Confident Kids, co-authored with Dr. Jeff Myers, Dr. Kathy unpacks the biblical framework behind the Five to Thrivesecurity, identity, belonging, purpose, and competenceand explains how unmet core needs often fuel gender confusion. With compassion and clarity, she equips parents to move from fear to faith, offering practical tools for affirming their childs God-given design while maintaining strong, loving relationships.

This episode explores how stereotypes distort masculinity and femininity, why social contagion and mental health struggles play a significant role in teen gender confusion, and how parents can proactively build confidence in their children from a young age. Dr. Kathy shares wisdom on affirming a childs unique strengths through the Eight Great Smarts, guarding kids from harmful cultural influences, and responding wisely if a child questions their gender identity. If youre a Christian parent seeking biblical guidance, practical strategies, and hope in navigating conversations about gender identity, this episode will strengthen your resolve and remind you that Gods design is both intentional and good.

Resources Mentioned:

Purchase Raising Gender-Confident Kids by Dr. Jeff Myers and Dr. Kathy Koch on Amazon or through the Celebrate Kids online store.

Grab a copy of Five to Thrive by Dr. Kathy Koch on Amazon or through the Celebrate Kids online store.

Get Jay's new devotional, Renewed: The 365-Day Christian Gratitude Journal. Use it solo, with your small group, or as a family for daily Scripture-based prompts to foster gratitude and closeness to Christ.

Text "THINGS" to 66866 for free high-quality resources from Jay, including fun family conversations, a 52-week Scripture memory system, dating questions for kids, marriage tools, and more.

Guest Bio: Dr. Kathy Koch

Dr. Kathy Koch is the founder and president of Celebrate Kids, Inc., and a child development specialist. She is also the author of nine bestselling parent-child enrichment books including her latest book, Parent Differently: Raise Kids with Biblical Character that Changes Culture.For more, visit celebratekids.com.

Key Takeaways from the Episode

Drawing from Lightbulb Moments in Marriage, Dr. Eggerichs and Jay explore transformative "aha" insights for successful and satisfied Christian couples. Here are the highlights:

  • The Five Core Needs (Five to Thrive) Security, identity, belonging, purpose, and competence must be rooted in Christ to build lasting confidence.
  • Identity Crisis Often Begins with Security Crisis When kids dont know who to trust, they struggle to know who they are.
  • Gender Confusion vs. Gender Dysphoria True clinical dysphoria is rare; confusion often stems from deeper identity and belonging issues.
  • Celebrate Differences Without Stereotypes Liking math, mechanics, ballet, or sports doesnt redefine gender. Boys and girls can be multifaceted.
  • Affirm Early and Specifically Children become who we tell them they are. Use intentional language to affirm their God-given design.
  • Guard Against Social Contagion Social media exposure significantly influences teen identity struggles. Protect hearts, minds, and devices.
  • Mental Health Matters Many teens struggling with gender identity are also battling anxiety, depression, or isolation. Address root issues first.
  • Keep the Relationship Alive When a child questions their gender, prioritize connection, truth, and long-term influence over fear-driven reactions.
  • Model Confidence in Gods Design Parents who embrace their own God-given identity create a powerful example for their children.
  • Hope for the Future Research shows most teens experiencing gender confusion resolve it naturally by adulthood without medical intervention.

Lets Parent on Purpose is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcasting Network. For more information, visit www.ChristianParenting.org

More Resources & Links:

Renewed: The 365-Day Christian Gratitude Journal by Jay Holland

Check out www.youthministry.coach

Daily Devotional Podcast Guided by Faith: www.guidedbyfaith.net

Join my Things for Thursday Email List and get a free Marriage Snapshot Tool and Fun Family Conversation Ebook! 

Support Lets Parent on Purpose as we help families thrive through the gospel: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Feb 8 • 45:40
Ep. 403: Lightbulb Moments in Marriage with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs →

In this inspiring conversation, Jay sits down with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, renowned author of the bestseller Love & Respect and his latest release, Lightbulb Moments in Marriage. Released in early 2026, the book explores 12 "aha" biblical perspectives to transform marriages from frustration to fulfillment.

Dr. Eggerichs shares profound insights drawn from over three decades of counseling, scientific research, and Scripture, focusing on how lightbulb moments can break the "Crazy Cycle" of unmet needs in marriage. Whether you're a busy parent juggling kids and chaos or seeking deeper intimacy in your Christian marriage, this episode offers practical marriage advice to help you move forward without hitting the eject button. Topics include love and respect principles, communication breakthroughs, and eternal perspectives on relationships.

Listen as Jay and Dr. Eggerichs discuss five to six key lightbulb moments that could revolutionize your marriage. Perfect for couples looking for Christian marriage counseling tips, biblical marriage guidance, or ways to strengthen family bonds.

Resources Mentioned:

Purchase Lightbulb Moments in Marriage by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs on Amazon or visit loveandrespect.com for more marriage resources, conferences, and tools.

Get Jay's new devotional, Renewed: The 365-Day Christian Gratitude Journal Use it solo, with your small group, or as a family for daily Scripture-based prompts to foster gratitude and closeness to Christ.

Text "THINGS" to 66866 for free high-quality resources from Jay, including fun family conversations, a 52-week Scripture memory system, dating questions for kids, marriage tools, and more.

Guest Bio: Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topics of marriage, parenting, communication, and male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of counseling, as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, developed the Love and Respect Marriage Conference, which they present to live audiences across the country. He is the founder and president of Love and Respect Ministries, with Sarah serving as vice president.

A former senior pastor of East Lansing Trinity Church from 1980 to 1999, Dr. Eggerichs holds a PhD and has authored numerous books, including the New York Times bestseller Love & Respect, a Platinum and Book of the Year award winner that has sold over 2.3 million copies. His work emphasizes Ephesians 5:33, highlighting how wives need love and husbands need respect to thrive. Emerson and Sarah reside in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and have three grown children. For more, visit loveandrespect.com.

Key Takeaways from the Episode

Drawing from Lightbulb Moments in Marriage, Dr. Eggerichs and Jay explore transformative "aha" insights for successful and satisfied Christian couples. Here are the highlights:

God-Given Value, Not Spouse-Driven: Your worth is rooted in Christ, not your spouse's approval. This frees couples from emotional rollercoasters, especially under parenting stress. Shift your identity to Jesus for lasting peace in marriage.

Seeing Jesus Beyond Your Spouse: Treat your spouse as unto Christ to energize love and respect. Visualizing Jesus "beyond the shoulder" of your partner fosters forgiveness and intimacy, even in resentment-filled seasons.

Clarity in Communication: True understanding beats just talking more. Break the Crazy Cycle by decoding "pink" (love-focused) and "blue" (respect-focused) languages. Use tools like word pictures to turn conflicts into connections, ideal for parents arguing over discipline or roles.

Don't Let 20% Define the 80%: Focus on the 80% goodwill in your marriage rather than the 20% frustrations. Pray to magnify strengths and extend grace, helping busy families offset weaknesses like differing parenting styles.

My Response Is My Responsibility: Embrace personal accountability for freedom and strength in Christ. Overcome fears like rejection to model resilience for your kids, transforming victim mentalities into victorious marriages.

Eternal Perspective: View marriage through God's lens for motivation. Live for His "Well done!" knowing every act of faithfulness has eternal significance, preparing your children for healthy relationships.

These biblical marriage tips can wake up stuck relationships and provide the tools needed for forward momentum in Christian parenting and marriage.

Lets Parent on Purpose is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcasting Network. For more information, visit www.ChristianParenting.org

More Resources & Links:

Renewed: The 365-Day Christian Gratitude Journal by Jay Holland

Check out www.youthministry.coach

Daily Devotional Podcast Guided by Faith: www.guidedbyfaith.net

Join my Things for Thursday Email List and get a free Marriage Snapshot Tool and Fun Family Conversation Ebook! 

Support Lets Parent on Purpose as we help families thrive through the gospel: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Jan 5 • 53:17
Ep. 402: Antifragile Faith with Virgil Tanner →

***Pick up a copy of Jays new Journal: Renewed: The 365-Day Christian Gratitude Journal 

How do we raise kidsand grow as parentswho dont crumble under pressure but become stronger through hardship?

In Episode 402 of Lets Parent on Purpose, Jay Holland is joined once again by author, missionary, and leadership coach Virgil Tanner for a deep, practical conversation on antifragile faiththe kind of faith Jesus describes as a house built on the rock.

Together, Jay and Virgil explore why anxiety and fragility have become normalized in modern culture, how Christian discipleship often unintentionally reinforces weakness, and what it looks like to intentionally form resilient, grounded followers of Jesus. Drawing from Scripture, neuroscience, leadership formation, and lived experiencefrom COVID lockdowns to pediatric cancer hospital roomsthis episode offers parents a hopeful and actionable framework for nurturing spiritual, emotional, physical, cognitive, and relational health.

This conversation will challenge how you think about discipleship, parenting, and what it truly means to love God with all of who you are.

What Youll Learn in This Episode

  • Why storms dont reveal weaknessthey reveal foundations
  • How culture has reframed fragility as virtueand why thats spiritually dangerous
  • The difference between changing behavior and changing the story we live in
  • Why discipleship must be whole-person formation, not just Bible knowledge
  • The five dimensions of the soul: spiritual, physical, cognitive, emotional, relational
  • Simple daily practices that cultivate resilience and joy
  • Why modeling matters more than lecturing when discipling kids
  • How families can become houses on the rock for others
  • Why noticing emotions comes before managing or forgiving
  • How loving God with heart, mind, soul, and strength leads to abundant lifenot burnout

Key Scriptures Referenced

  • Matthew 7:2427 The House Built on the Rock
  • Luke 10:2528 The Greatest Commandment
  • 1 Corinthians 10:31 Doing Everything for the Glory of God
  • John 15:11 That My joy may be in you, and your joy may be full

Practical Takeaways for Parents

  • Formation happens relationally and communally, not just informationally
  • Shared and modeled habits shape kids more than rules
  • Emotional maturity begins with naming emotions without judgment
  • Gratitude reframes suffering without denying it
  • Thriving families talk openly about how theyre really doingnot just how theyre performing

Lets Parent on Purpose is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcasting Network. For more information, visit www.ChristianParenting.org

About Virgil Tanner

Virgil Tanner is a leadership coach, author, and missionary who has spent years equipping leaders and families to cultivate resilient, Christ-centered lives in high-pressure environments around the world. His work focuses on integrated human flourishing and forming leaders who can endureand thrivethrough adversity.

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Dec 7 • 42:00
Ep. 401: The Case for Christmas with Lee Strobel →

***Pick up a copy of Jays new Journal: Renewed: The 365-Day Christian Gratitude Journal

https://amzn.to/3MLWavl

In this episode of Lets Parent On Purpose, Jay Holland sits down with award-winning journalist and bestselling author Lee Strobel to explore the historical, theological, and personal significance of the Christmas story. Together they unpack the evidence for the birth of Jesus, the reliability of the Gospel accounts, misconceptions about the Nativity, and why the Incarnation still changes lives today.

Whether you're a long-time believer, a seeker exploring Christianity, or a parent looking to equip your teens with confidence in their faith, this conversation offers clear, compelling reasons to trust the Christmas story as true historynot just a seasonal tradition.

Key Topics Covered

The Investigative Journalist Who Tried to Disprove Christianity

Lee shares how his journey from atheism to faith began as an attempt to rescue his wife from what he believed was a cult. His two-year investigation into the evidence for Jesus resurrection led him to the unexpected conclusion that Christianity is true.

Why the Nativity Story Is Historically Reliable

Lee walks through:

  • Why Lukes and Matthews accounts are independent and trustworthy
  • Why different Gospel perspectives strengthennot weakenthe historical case
  • How early Christian writings outside the Gospels affirm the virgin birth
  • How ancient biography differs from modern biography but remains reliable

What No Room in the Inn Actually Means

Lee reveals:

  • The Greek word kataluma likely means guest room, not hotel
  • The Holy Family almost certainly stayed with relatives
  • Jesus was probably born in the family living space of a first-century home, not a wooden stable
  • Why nativity sets with wooden barns and angry innkeepers are historically inaccurate

Why the Virgin Birth Matters theologically

Lee explains why the virgin birth is essential for:

  • Jesus being fully God and fully man
  • Jesus being born without inherited sin
  • Fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy (Isaiah 7:14)
  • Preserving core Christian doctrines

Pagan Myth Claims Debunked

Lee dismantles the popular internet claim that Christianity borrowed the virgin birth or resurrection from pagan myths such as Mithras, Dionysus, or Zoroaster. Each is exposed as historically inaccurate or chronologically impossible.

How Investigating Christmas Strengthens Worship

Lee shares how studying the incarnation moved him deeply, reminding him that Christianity is not a legendit's a true story about God entering our world to save us.

God Is Moving Today

Lee and Jay reflect on the remarkable openness to the gospel theyre seeing nationwidefrom churches to college campuses to everyday encounters.

Lets Parent on Purpose is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcasting Network. For more information, visit www.ChristianParenting.org

About Lee Strobel

Lee Strobel is a former award-winning legal editor for the Chicago Tribune and a New York Times bestselling author of more than forty books, including The Case for Christ, The Case for Faith, The Case for a Creator, The Case for Miracles, and his newest seasonal release, The Case for Christmas.

Originally an atheist, Lee spent two years investigating the evidence for Christianity as a journalist. His search led him to faith in Christ and ultimately into ministry, where he continues to write, speak, teach apologetics, and help people explore the evidence for God.

Lee currently serves as founding director of the Lee Strobel Center for Evangelism and Applied Apologetics at Colorado Christian University. His books have sold millions of copies and inspired films, documentaries, and student editions that help the next generation explore faith with confidence.

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About the Host

Jay Holland

Jay Holland is a follower of Jesus, a husband to Emily, and the biological and adoptive father of four children. For more than two decades Jay has served as a pastor in family and student ministries, and has walked through multiple special needs challenges within his own family.

Jay’s personal and pastoral experiences led him to launch the weekly Let’s Parent on Purpose podcast to equip and empower moms and dads to build thriving families. He serves at Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church in Stuart, Florida and is also on the board of Hopegivers, a ministry that cares for children and churches in India.

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