Discussing the Mental Health of Our Adopted Kids

Welcome to the Called to Love Podcast! 

In this episode, I am joined by Hally Wells. Hally Wells is speaker, author, and mental health advocate. After struggling with infertility, Hally and her husband had their biological child, but following a miscarriage she felt God place adoption on her heart. She is now the mother of bio, step, and adopted children, and advocates for their mental health and the mental health of parents too. 

Hally discusses what things to look out for in our adopted and fostered kids, some of the warning signs, and unique struggles they may face with identity. We also discuss the need for support, resources, counseling, and strong communication with your children. Hally brings up that adoptive parents can also experience trauma which is why it is important to take care of yourself too, so you can be a calm, strong presence in your childs life. 

Here are a few key takeaways: 

• Mental health concerns in youth have escalated, especially post-COVID.
• Adopted children often experience grief and identity issues.
• Trauma impacts all adopted children, even from in utero and birth. 
• Parents should be aware of signs of mental health struggles in their children.
• Support groups for adoptive parents can provide essential encouragement.
• Cultural heritage plays a crucial role in a child's identity and mental health.
• Open communication is vital for adopted children to express their feelings.
• Counseling can be beneficial for both children and parents.
• Understanding the unique challenges of adopted children is essential for effective parenting.

Learn more about Hally Wells on her website here: https://www.hallyjwells.com/ 

The book Hally recommends, The Anxious Generation 

Another book she recommends, The Deepest Well 

You can email me your questions about adoption and foster care at [email protected]. I'd love to connect with you on Instagram or send you my monthly newsletter with free resources and first access to episodes and more!

Welcome to the Called to Love Podcast! 

This week I am fan-girling out just a little bit because my special guest is Dr. Kathy Koch. Dr. Kathy has a PhD in reading and educational psychology from Purdue and is a former university professor now turned child advocate who founded Celebrate Kids. She has written several books, and her latest one (co-written with Dr. Jeff Myers) is called Raising Gender-Confident Kids: Helping Kids Embrace Their God-Given Design. This is the topic of our conversation, as many foster and adoptive parents may find their children especially vulnerable to the gender identity crisis. 

Together, we discuss how to be bold in our parenting while also pursuing connection, trust, and relationship-building. God has given us the task of stewarding these kids and we cannot shy away from this reality. At the same time, if your child is coming to you already in a gender-confused state, it is important to show them love, compassion, and build trust so perhaps they can tell you whats really going on. Dr. Kathy gives us powerful information and practical tools to equip us for this reality we face as parents.

Here are a few key takeaways: 

• Parents need to be bold and honest about gender issues.
• Stereotypes can trap children in false beliefs about their identity.
• Churches must address tough topics to help guide youth.
• Creating a safe space for discussions is crucial for trust.
• Parents should affirm their children's identity and interests.
• It's important to teach children about the beauty of God's creation.
• Parents should not blame themselves for their children's struggles.
• Encouragement and support are vital for parents facing challenges.
• Identity formation is a lifelong process that requires consistent effort.

Learn more about Dr. Kathys organization, Celebrate Kids: https://celebratekids.com/

Dr. Kathy recommends one of her books, Five to Thrive and her latest release which informed a lot of this episode: Raising Gender Confident Kids 

You can email me your questions about adoption and foster care at [email protected]. I'd love to connect with you on Instagram or send you my monthly newsletter with free resources and first access to episodes and more!

Welcome to the Called to Love Podcast! 

This week I am joined with Bill High. Bill is the CEO of Legacy Stone and the author and co-author to many books. He is a counselor and public speaker, passionate about empowering families to leave a legacy for generations. 

In our conversation, we explore the importance of building a lasting family legacy through faith, family values, and purposeful living. Bill shares practical steps for families to create structure and stability, emphasizing the power of repetition in instilling values. We hope this offers encouragement for parents navigating the challenges of foster care and adoption. You're playing a vital role in shaping the next generation.

Here are a few key takeaways: 

• The calling of foster and adoptive parents is significant to the kingdom of God.
• Defining family values is crucial for protection and attraction.
• Kids are a heritage from the Lord, and families should treat them as such.
• Regular family meetings can help reinforce family values and vision.
• Structure and stability are essential for children from chaotic backgrounds.
• Repetition is key in teaching values to children.
• Parents should focus on being faithful rather than fixating on outcomes.
• God can turn broken situations into something good. 

Connect more with Bill High on his website or social media. And the website for Legacy Stone: https://legacystone.com/ 

Bill Highs new book: THE LEGACY LIFE: BOOK AND DEVOTIONAL - A Paradigm Shift that Will Help You Build Your Family for Generations to Come, Guided by Biblical Values.

You can email me your questions about adoption and foster care at [email protected]. I'd love to connect with you on Instagram or send you my monthly newsletter with free resources and first access to episodes and more!

Welcome to the Called to Love Podcast! 

This week I am joined with Dr. Zoe Shaw. Dr. Zoe is a licensed psychotherapist, author, speaker and an expert on what she calls Complex Shame. She is also a busy mom of five kids, and actually part of her story is being a birth-mom. We talk a lot about being adoptive and foster parents, and this conversation gives us a small glimpse of a birth-moms experience. For Dr. Zoe, it was an experience filled with shame.  

This episode is all about unpacking that: shame. All of us experience shame to different degrees, in fact its origins can be seen in the first few chapters of Genesis, where Adam and Eve are ashamed and hide from God. That is how Dr. Zoe describes and differentiates shame and guilt: shame is when we hide. Shame can be destructive and impact our relationships. 

This is incredibly important for us to understand as parents, to navigate our own shame, and also to help us better understand our kids shame. 

Here are a few key takeaways: 

• Shame causes us to hide and affects our relationships.
• There is a difference between guilt and shame.
• Guilt can lead to positive change, while shame distances us from God.
• Complex shame is often tied to past trauma and experiences.
• Recognizing our shame story is crucial for self-worth.
• Healthy emotional boundaries allow for better relationships.
• Walking alongside children helps them process their feelings.
• Writing can be a powerful tool for communication with children.
• Repairing relationships requires acknowledging our own shame.
• Healing from shame is a journey that involves vulnerability.

Connect more with Dr. Zoe Shaw on her website or on instagram.

You can also buy her new book, Stronger in the Difficult Places: Heal Your Relationship with Yourself by Untangling Complex Shame

Christian Parentings latest resource: Friday Favorites Newsletter 

You can email me your questions about adoption and foster care at [email protected]. I'd love to connect with you on Instagram or send you my monthly newsletter with free resources and first access to episodes and more!

Welcome to the Called to Love Podcast! 

This week I am joined with Daryl Potter. Daryl doesnt have adopted or fostered children but he does have a miraculous daughter with complex medical needs and another biological son. Whether your kids are biological, adopted, or fostered, there are universal truths in parenting and along with it circumstances which take us to the brink of our capacityphysical, emotional, mental and even spiritual. 

In this episode specifically we are looking at the unique challenges of raising kids with complex medical needs. Daryl shares his personal experiences, insights, and advice for you if youre in the trenches of that right now. This may be a calling on your life to adopt or foster children with complex needs or this is a circumstance out of your control in your biological children. Whatever the case may be, the grueling long nights in hospitals, the panic, the fear, the weight of it all can wear you down. This is why Daryl shares how mindfulness as found in Ecclesiastes is so powerful and a Biblical tool for managing it. 

Here are a few key takeaways: 

• Navigating parenting with complex needs requires emotional resilience.
• Communication is key in marriage, especially during challenging times.
• Personal growth often comes from facing unexpected parenting challenges.
• Building a support network is crucial for families dealing with special needs.
• It's important to maintain perspective in difficult situations.
• Mindfulness can help parents enjoy the present moment.
• Parents should learn to express their emotions, including vulnerability.
• Children can be affected by the caregiving dynamics in the family.
• It's essential to listen to children's feelings and experiences.
• Finding joy in small moments can help alleviate stress. 

Connect more with Daryl on his website or social media. 

You can also check out his books! He recommends your local library but you can also purchase wherever books are sold. The books he explicitly mentions are: 

Something More: Living Well in a Broken World and Even the Monsters. Living with Grief, Loss, and Depression: A Journey through the Book of Job

Christian Parentings latest resource: Friday Favorites Newsletter 

You can email me your questions about adoption and foster care at [email protected]. I'd love to connect with you on Instagram or send you my monthly newsletter with free resources and first access to episodes and more!