Six years of trials and tribulations. Seven years of waiting . . . and counting!
This is what parenthood looks like for us: waiting.
My husband and I are still in the middle of waiting to be parents. We have been married for seven years and have weathered many obstacles to conceiving a family.
Miscarriage. Multiple fertility treatments. The list goes on.
During our journey, heartaches and disappointments have consumed me, one after another. My world has been turned upside down, triggering continuous bouts of anxiety and depression.
Doubts have crept in. The enemy has sometimes taken hold of my mind.
Will I ever be a mother? Will I ever have the opportunity to raise a child of my own?
But by the grace of God, we have been gifted with a new sense of hope—hope that I never thought would become a part of our story.
And through it all, I’ve never stopped believing. For one day I know our prayers will be granted. I know we will receive the child for whom we have prayed (1 Samuel 1:27–28).
A better plan
I come from a large Asian family of seventeen nieces, nephews, great-nieces, and great-nephews. There are also eleven godchildren within our bunch. The women in my family have never struggled with infertility. Children have surrounded me for most of my life.
Yet, here I am, unable to bear my own child.
Embarrassed. Lost. Discouraged.
I never expected to face such a battle. We have tried everything . . .
And despite our hardship, something good has surfaced from the pain. Our struggle has humbly reminded me: God is in control.
“Not yet. I have plans for you,” he whispers (Jeremiah 29:11). He has repeatedly reminded me that his plans are bigger and better than mine. I can trust in him.
An unexpected beginning
I’ve heard about the emotional roller coaster ride of parenthood.
The challenges.
The inevitable grievances.
The lack of sleep.
The fatigue.
I know it is a simple truth. I offer no judgement.
But please hear my heart . . .
If only, I could have the opportunity to feed a crying baby in the middle of the night.
If only, I could have the chance to lose sleep and feel the fatigue from taking care of a child.
If only, I could feel the unconditional love for a child every parent describes.
When I heard about a younger cousin’s pregnancy in October of last year, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I broke into tears and got down on my knees, sobbing like a child.
Weak, angry, and frustrated, I asked God: “How many more family members must I see become pregnant before I can have my own child?” I heard God immediately respond: “If you really want to be a mother, there are many other ways.”
That was the beginning.
An open door
God has broken open my heart to adoption.
If I can be honest, adoption was never an option for me. I was not against it. I was simply attached to the miracle of pregnancy. I wanted to experience it for myself.
But through God’s grace, he opened my heart. He healed me. He led my husband and me onto our next big step.
We officially started the adoption process this past April and just finished our home study. We are now officially “active for matching.”
I am excited and in complete surrender. I trust we will receive that for which we ask. The door to our parenthood journey shall be opened.
“For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened” (Matthew 7:8 NIV).
A precious miracle
We are still in this season of waiting, and it’s not an easy walk. But I am aware that waiting also provides opportunities for growth and perseverance. We know that whenever we face trials, the testing of our faith produces perseverance (James 1:2–3).
We have yet to overcome this journey. But I share it with you today because I want to meet you in your season of hardship.
I know parenting is hard, especially during the world’s current circumstances.
But I also know that in the midst of the craziness of life, it’s easy to get caught up in the difficulties of parenting (Again, no judgment).
I know I would probably be in the same boat as you, likely down on my knees (again). But this time, I would be asking God how I can make it through another day of raising a child.
My point is this: I want to remind you of how blessed you are in this moment—gifted with your child or children. Your children adore and love you as you are. And they are yours to love with all your heart.
Parenthood is a precious miracle.
It is a miracle many of us are still waiting to experience.
Hope is on the horizon
I am certain my husband and I are in this season of discomfort for a reason. I also know that God is good and his faithful love endures forever (Psalm 106:1).
Friends, this is the time when our faith must be bigger than our worries and anxiety. 2 Timothy 1:7 says: “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”
For the parent or the one seeking parenthood, remember that though trouble and adversity may strike, hope is on the horizon. May you endure not out of your own strength, but through the power of the Holy Spirit within you.
“For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him” (Philippians 2:13 NLT).
