Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse: In Laws
Well, this week the guys wrap up their discussion of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse with the dreaded In Laws! How should couples manage this minefield of family tension? And not only are the guys ending this series this week, sadly, Josh and Jimmy are ending their run as the Pairadocs. This will be the boys last show. Sad, but exciting. Listen in and find out why. BTW, all of you guys are the best! We love you.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse: Money
So, are you ready to meet the 3rd Horseman of the Marriage Apocalypse? Couple's fight about this one all the time! This topic reeks of power and security, therefore, it's a source for, all but constant, conflict. The topic? MONEY! "Sooooo, let's get ready to RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse: Kids
Last week, the guys kicked off a discussion of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse. The first was sex, and this week they will examine the all too hot topic of THE KIDS. Most couples tend not to be on the exact same page when it comes to discipline, expectations, and priorities when it comes to their kids, so...arguments tend to ensue. If this sounds like you, don't miss this week's episode!
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse: Sex
You know it coming and you dread it like the plague, but at some point, in every family there comes the need to have “The Sex Talk.” In this case, however, we’re not talking about the sex discussion with you kids. This week, the guys delve into the sex talk that every couple needs to have and keep having to address one of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse.
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PROBLEM:
- Carries more baggage than a 747. Mention any possible negative and it can be interpreted as a very intimate, personal criticism
- We don’t talk about our sexual relationship. Only might be mentioned when something is wrong.
- As a rule, sex is the “unmentionable” in 99% of Christian homes
- Take any other “mutual” activity that a couple engages in, there is discussion about it. Cooking, exercise, entertainment… The assumption is that if we’re married, we should simply know what to do and how to do it. And if things aren’t great, then we suffer in silence, because, “We shouldn’t have to say anything.”
SOLUTION:
- The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor. 7:3–5)
Each spouse’s body belongs to the other, and a primary function of sex is to serve and bless each other. The ethic that runs throughout the New Testament applies to sex in marriage: we are to selflessly serve, thinking of the other first.
- Love is putting someone else’s needs above your own. Sex is a physical manifestation of spiritual and emotional love between a husband and wife.
- TALK: If we don’t tell our spouse, they won’t know. Any time we don’t talk it is out of fear or frustration. Spouse’s shouldn’t fear their partner’s response.
- Past sexual history and sin, needs to be discussed, learned from, and not avoided
- Frequency, duration, & arousal all are impacted as you pass through life stages.
- Talk about having the talk. Don’t surprise them with it.
- Make suggestions; not complaints
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
The Argument Black Hole
Have you or your spouse ever said something along the lines of, “We argue over little things.”, or “None of our arguments ever get resolved.” If you have, then you have fallen headfirst into the Argument Black Hole. Join them this week, as the guys talk about the biggest mistake couples make when they have a disagreement.
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PROBLEM:
- Arguing over facts
- Arguing over who’s reality is correct
- Winning is more important than solving the problem
- My Side Bias skews facts
- Memories are NOT accurate recordings of events. Research suggests that that we remember what we WANT to believe happened
SOLUTION:
- Realize that the argument is not about the facts
- The event is the surface problem to a root cause
- Chose the hill you will die on
- Must be able to agree to disagree
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Perfectionism In The Home
Perfectionism. Most would agree that this personality trait is not great. BUT, if you are a perfectionist, you secretly, sort of, like being this way. It’s kind of like being a “workaholic.” We say we don’t like that aspect of our lives yet are inwardly proud of how much we can accomplish. Perfectionism is, not only, bad for us as an individual, but can be devastating in our home. -----
PROBLEM:
- See it in:
- Kids- upset if not perfect, performance anxiety
- Mom/Wives- Clean house, fixation on kid’s performance, behavior, and dress, can’t leave work at work
- Dad/Husbands- How things look, Sports, irritation as substandard behavior/dress…
- Hold double standard
- You're constantly evaluating yourself, and not living up to who you believe you could be. This induces shame.
- Procrastination can simply be thought of as insecure perfectionism on steroids.
SOLUTION:
- To want something is good. To NEED it is not good.
- Embrace and sit in uncomfortable, unpleasant emotions
- By grace saved, not of good works
- Acknowledge it.
- What is driving this? What core belief?
- Anti-anxiety tool is “Worst case” scenario
- Adjust your standards to just be “good enough.”
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
The Push
We’ve all seen them, haven’t we? Those parents who care WAY too much about how their child is doing in sports. They take out a second mortgage and blow through their family’s savings just to keep their kid on select/travel teams. They yell at the refs, the coach, and their kid. You would think their entire self-worth hinged on whether their child plays well and wins the game…hmmm. I wonder… Listen in this week as Josh and Jimmy get the signal, step up to the plate, and discuss The Push. Parents and sports. Play ball!!
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Warning Signs of The Push
- Parent getting their own need for self-worth through their child’s sport performance.
- Year-round, non-stop sports. One long, never ending season
- Year-round specialization. Tommy John surgery for high schoolers.
- All other aspect of family life takes a back seat
- Do you care more than your child who is actually playing the sport?
- ****Anger at child’s performance****
Solution for the Push:
- Define Success
- Let the child lead. Brad McCoy
- Teach your child to try hard, work hard, practice hard, and play hard. Col. 3:23, “All like doing it for Christ.”
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Dysfunctional Families
We hear a lot of talk about dysfunctional families these days. Apparently, they are bad, and can cause some real damage to those who find themselves in one. But is my family dysfunctional? Did I come from one? How do I make sure my family doesn’t become one? I’m glad you asked!! Join the fellas this week and they discussion what dysfunctional families are, how to prevent them, and what to do if you fear you’re in one.
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Problem with dysfunction:
- Long lasting impact. Consistent, Frequent, Duration, changes the brain
- Dysfunctional families rack up tons of little “t” traumas.
- We tend to absorb both healthy and unhealthy behavioral/relationship patterns from our FOO
Solution: (Psychology Today; Julie Hall)
Here’s several “Signs” of dysfunction…make sure you do the opposite!
- Acceptance/Love is conditional
- Someone must always be blamed/scapegoat
- Vulnerability is dangerous, therefore, no intimacy
- The family has “Teams”
- Appearance not authenticity is ALL IMPORTANT
- Rage is normalized
- Denial & Defensiveness are the norm
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Outsourcing Your Child’s Spiritual Development
Ever feel like a spiritual taxi driver? Is your goal as a parent to make sure your child is at every church event? Do you get nervous when asked to spiritual lead / guide your child? When your child has a spiritual question, is this intimidating? This week Jimmy and Josh discuss your one job as a parent, spiritually leading your child.
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Other than praying over dinner or before bed, is God present in your life / your family’s life?
Biggest takeaway, you need to be more spiritually connected in your own life, to be able to guide your own child.
God doesn’t call you to raise faithful kids, he’s calling you to be faithful.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com