Let's Parent on Purpose

August 30, 2020

Ep. 189 : Teaching Children HOW to Think with Virgil Tanner

Virgil Tanner has been married for 20 years and is a father of four. He has lived on three continents and currently oversees strategy and global operations for a non-profit with hundreds of staff scattered all over the world.

For our kids’ entire lives, they are going to be confronted by societal complexities that need both the lens of the Gospel and an engaged brain for them to be able to face these issues properly.

Virgil and his family have lived everywhere from Nashville to Central Asia and Spain. Because of this, his kids have been exposed to several cultures and have become discerning of what in those cultures are not applicable to their own beliefs.

As parents, we should aim to equip our children to hold their own and think clearly, especially when they set out on their own into an environment where everyone is screaming and nobody is thinking carefully before they talk.

Keep in mind that it’s not a point of inculcating your own beliefs or opinions on your children, but make them strong enough to think and reason out on their own.

Identity plays a big role in your child’s decision making. If they know who they are and have a strong sense of self, some decisions will come easy. If they know their values and what they stand for, they will also know what is worth their time and energy.

Another useful skill you can teach your children to do is to simply notice. See and notice without the need to make an evaluation right away, with the understanding that there are things they do not understand, and notice what they feel about something, and why.

The problems our children will encounter in their lives will involve sin. Virgil explains, in the Biblical approach, the primary location of the sin is in the individual human heart, with echoes in the collective and in the systems that humans build.

Locating where the evil is in their hearts will empower your children to do something about what is in their locus of control. Let them realize that their actions are under their control and not a result of someone else’s actions. They have agency.

Get your kids used to the idea of having conversations, not conflicts. Talk to them about the differences between a conversation and a conflict. If there is a winner and a loser at the end, it’s not a conversation. If anyone’s yelling, it’s not a conversation. Conversations are all about understanding each other.

Subscribe to receive Christian Parenting in your inbox

About Let's Parent on Purpose

Let's Parent on Purpose is a weekly podcast designed to strengthen your marriage, parenting, and personal relationship with Jesus. Host Jay Holland provides examples from God's word, real life success and failure stories, and lots of humility from his 20+ years of student ministry, parenting, foster parenting, and counseling others. Each episode you'll receive an insight or interview that will help you thrive, not just survive your parenting years.

You can find more from Jay at LetsParentOnPurpose.com or follow him on Facebook and Instagram.

About Jay Holland

Jay Holland is a follower of Jesus, a husband to Emily, and the biological and adoptive father of four children. For more than two decades Jay has served as a pastor in family and student ministries, and has walked through multiple special needs challenges within his own family.

Jay’s personal and pastoral experiences led him to launch the weekly Let’s Parent on Purpose podcast to equip and empower moms and dads to build thriving families. He serves at Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church in Stuart, Florida and is also on the board of Hopegivers, a ministry that cares for children and churches in India.

OTHER PODCASTS YOU MAY LIKE...

Interview with John Rosemond

Privacy Preference Center